Simple Sayings of a Meddlesome Mind

My Kind of Crazy....

2010-10-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

After a lot of thinking, praying and wondering, I've decided to leave Simple Sayings and start a new blog. I hope you'll follow me over to Embrace the Crazy as I start a new journey in my life.

Hope to see you there. :)

PS - I imported all of my old blog entries to the new blog, so you can catch up over there.

Lists, Houses and Chipotle

2010-02-25T21:11:00.001-08:00

Looking for a home can be frustrating, intimidating and scary. It is the biggest financial investment most people ever make in their life, but it can be a truly satisfying and exciting experience.

Bryan and I are just in the dipping-the-big-toe-to-test-how-cold-the-water-is stage of buying a home. A few months ago when we were frantically trying to find another rental home, we were told about a local grant that gives a loan (with great incentives) to first-time home buyers that meet a specific income. We weren't even thinking about buying a home at that time, but we figured it couldn't hurt.

So, I met with a broker one evening after work armed with all of our personal information. Unfortunately, the news was not good, we weren't qualified. We made "too much" money for a family of two people. I'll never forget, she looked at me hopefully after telling me that we were denied for the grant, "Do you have a child?" I've never seen such disappointment on a strangers face when I said I didn't.

The good news was that we both have good credit and were approved for a loan. GREAT news. So, I filled Bryan in after the meeting and we decided to try to find a home.

After we find me a new car.

After we buy him a new truck.

After we pay off all of our credit cards.

After we start up all of our new insurances and create a new monthly budget.

Finally, all of that is done and we are ready so start looking!

We had plans tonight to go to Guitar Center and Chipotle. I heart Chipotle. It's delicious. Bryan and I always share a burrito now and we sometimes spring for chips and guac. Mmmmmm.. Oh, sorry back to the point of this post.

During our meal I pulled out my handy-dandy notebook that I keep in my purse. I started writing down things that are important to me about a house. Obviously, you can't get everything you have ever dreamed of in your first home. But there are some things you are willing to let go of and some things that you are adamant about.

My list (below) included four items that were important to me, in no specific order.

1. Bathrooms - Are the big enough? Is there at least one tub? Would we have to renovate? Is there potential to expand?

2. Kitchen - Are the cupboards in good condition? Are the appliances older/newer? Is there a gas stove? Is the kitchen roomy enough to actually cook in? Is there enough counter space?

3. Location - Is the property in a nice/safe area? What school district does the house fall in?

4. Fireplace - Does the house have a wood burning or gas insert?

Of course, every one has different priorities when thinking about purchasing a home. But those things are important to me personally and I am obviously not saying the above four things should be on every one's list.

I turned the page to a fresh sheet and hand Bryan the notebook after explaining my list and I say, "Don't be flip. I need to know what is important to you."

Here is a picture of Bryan's list.

Apparently, the only thing Bryan cares about in picking a house is if I am going to be there and if there is a big backyard for his dog.

I definitely have my work cut out for me.

Google Vs. Yahoo

2010-02-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

Yahoo:

Why is it always about me?

Google:

Why is it always about you?

Touché, Google. 1:0.

Jonah's EB Auction

2010-02-25T10:20:00.000-08:00

Right now, until February 27, you can participate in an auction that benefits the organization DebRA.

DebRA helps families like the Williams Family and the Turnquist Family during some of the hardest moments of their lives.

There are two ways to participate:

1. Go to JonahsEBAuction blog and start bidding on items.

2. Go to Meghann Turnquist's Avon page and buy items you would normally purchase anyways - but this time it goes to a very special charity.

Actually, there are three ways! You can always go directly to debRA.org to submit a donation and rest assured, you are donating to an a charity that provides assistance to families that are hit with a genetic disease that no one really knows about, they are searching for a cure, and they provide hospitals with knowledge of how to treat EB babies.

THANKS!

In Honor of Valentines...

2010-02-12T10:26:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day.

Where do I even start?

As trite as it sounds, I love love. Love is one of the most powerful emotions the creatures on earth experience. You have love between spouses, love between parents and their children, love between two children, and love is even so powerful it can be experienced between humans and animals.

I do not, however, love Valentine's day. I feel like a lot of men love Valentine's day because it can be their "catch-all" day. I would guess that for most of the other 364 days men don't pay attention to the romantic needs of their prospective wives and girlfriends. They don't woo their women after they have sealed the deal and they use Valentine's day as a way to go all out for their partners.

Which frankly, sucks.

I'm sure a lot of women say they hate February 14 on a rule, because if they set their sights low, the man they are dating could just take them out to dinner at McDonald's and it would be an improvement. But then again, a lot of women might REALLY look forward to it because they know it is the ONE DAY that their man might do something really spectacular and that falling-in-love feeling comes back for a moment, oozes into the next few days and then finally tapers away.

And lets not forget, some men might use Valentine's day to make up all the time they spent thinking about and watching football, and then also having three or four different fantasy football leagues to attend to. So, they do something sweet for all the time their wives wasted on making dip and grabbing them chips from the pantry.

Sigh. How sad. All of those versions up there just make my heart ache.

As much as I can see why the idea of having a day to honor love could be admirable; To actually sit down and think about where you would be without the love of your family and friends. To take a step back and just remember the feelings you felt for your man or woman when loved stopped being a flutter in your stomach and became more of a choice and commitment. It seems like a good idea, in theory. In practice? I don't know. I'm not convinced yet. I feel like there is just not enough expressions of love during the rest of the year.

Now, just for the sake of saying it, expressions of love don't have to be over the top and costly. When my husband takes out the trash without me having to ask, that is a huge expression of love. When he feeds our dogs every day like clock work, its an expression of love. Even when he carts off to work to provide for our life together, that is an expression of love. And most days, I have to remind myself to take a moment to THINK about it. To remember that doing the tedious things we do for each other is a very important expression of love.

But there also has to be more than that. A man should court his wife every day. He should give her devoted attention and he should flirt with her and woo her just like he would if he was still trying to spark up a relationship with her. He should do things on a weekly or biweekly basis, like write her love notes and/or leave a flower on his pillow if he leaves before her in the morning. It should be a constant. Romance is so absolutely and completely necessary in a relationship.

Such simple things can be done to keep it alive. Maybe Valentine's day has killed the meaning of romance. Romance doesn't have to be a grand gesture. It doesn't have to be running through a town in Italy to stop her from marrying someone else. It certainly doesn't have to be thousands of dollars worth of jewelry. That is not what it needs or has to be. Its small things. Small continual moments, running after her out the door to give her just one last kiss, surprising her with a cup of coffee and the book she's obsessed with on a Saturday morning. It's running her a bath at the end of a rough day. Such simple, non-monetary expressions of love that will keep her eyes only on you.

That is what love is all about... Well, at least to me.

What I DO love about Valentine's day is kind of specific to my job. Its so cute to get a couple of students in the office that hand out Valentine's day cards, looking so sweet and giving. They get so excited when they hand their special card to you.

Two days ago two little girls, of Kindergarten age, came in and one handed us each a book-marker and the other handed us a valentine. When I said thank you and they moved on, I looked at them both more closely.

The second little girl, Lainee, gave a Valentine's day card that was a jumbled puzzle! And each piece was a sticker, which you would peel off and stick to the other side, in the appropriate numbered box.

This is the front, almost halfway through the Valentine card.

This is the back! So far so good!

Ta-DA! So cute. Its a PUG. And its kind of awesome because I have... or had a pug. My dad kind of adopted her! :)

On other love-related news, its February 12. It would be my Mom and Dad's anniversary. And even though they don't celebrate it, us girls still do. It's still a part of our history. The best thing my Mom and Dad ever did was have us girls... for me, specifically Alie and Kari. I'm so happy that when I was little I had annoying big sisters to pick on me and be there for me. Now, I'm even happier that my big sisters are my best friends.

Always,

You, Me, plus Three...

2010-01-14T16:49:00.000-08:00

On the exterior, one would think that this 'branch' of the Vickers Family Tree is made up of just Bryan and I. The one who would think that would be wrong.

Bryan and I have children. Three to be exact. Are the human children? No. There are furry children. And over the past couple of weeks, I have had some serious mommy moments.

This all started around January 2, 2010. When we started looking for a new house to rent. The house we are in right now is so cute and I love it, but we've outgrown it already... And we can't have Cali here.

This is Cali.

Cali is our first born. She's a good, smart dog that talks a lot of crap to you when she doesn't like what you are saying. (I swear, I'll get it on video sometime so you can see her attitude. Girl is fierce!) We became her parents with a girl that I worked with at Mervyn's found her. She couldn't keep her and I told her that I knew just the person that would love her. Bryan adores German Shepherds. So we took her home the night we met her and she was ours ever since. When she was younger, Bryan refused to listen to me to take her to get her shots. So of course, she got really sick. She was so miserable. I was visiting in Salinas, and wouldn't leave my side. I just held her on the couch until I finally begged Bryan to take her to a vet. He didn't need much convincing. Luckily, she survived and she's our baby-girl. Even if she weighs as much as an elephant and always steps on my feet.

This is Danny.

Danny was born on May 5, 2005. When I moved in with Bryan and Rick in October of 2005, I was so homesick and lonely that I went to the SPCA, looking for a pet that could be a Farpella, with me. I wasn't looking for any pet in particular, my criteria was: cuddle-bug, nice, distinct personality. That's it. Danny's story was so sad. A bicyclist found Danny on an overpass bridge on the 168 outside of Salinas. He or she was passing by and saw a pet carrier tossed on the side of the road. When he/she stopped, there were multiple kitties in the carrier, but only Danny and one other cat was alive. The bicyclist grabbed the carrier and biked to the SPCA (which is miles up the 168, in the middle of no where) and handed them over. Danny was the only one that survived. When I first met him, Bryan was with me and he was perfect. He had such a

personality. He liked to be held, which made me hope that he'd be a cuddler and he played like CRAZY with the toys. I handed over the $65 dollars (which was and IS a small fortune for a cat, but whatever) and Danny became a Farpella. And yes... he is a cuddler......... but only on his terms.

Ps... He just bit me. I think he was reading over my shoulder.

This is Duey.

Duey's real name is Dumbledore. I first met him when Brian, an old high school friend of mine brought him up to Fresno with Denise and I were living together. Brian had found him and was trying to find his home but was having no luck. Duey (at the time called, Duder) was a puppy and I fell hard! I told Brian that I would adopt him if he was unsuccessful in finding the owners. And I did! When Duey has his hair grown out he is white and fluffy, which reminded me of Dumbledore. And since he now answered to Duder and Doody, I decided to call him Duey, since it was close enough that he wouldn't get confused. He is such a sweetheart. He's not very intelligent, but he makes up for it by being completely adorable and a snuggler!

So, now that you've formally met my entire family, I'm sure you can tell why I would have Mommy moments when people treat my animals unjustly.

Which brings me to the real reason for this post.

Bryan and I are trying to find a house to lease for the next year or two before we buy or build. We're looking for a nice house, of standard proportion, in a nice neighborhood. We've narrowed our search to a three bedroom, two bathroom house with a nice background for the pets.

Pretty standard right? And while there are things I would love - like his and her sinks in the master bathroom, I can live without it. There are things, however that I won't live without.

MY BABIES.

I have been so angry over the lack of houses that allow pets. AND, the budget range that we have set ourselves in is not overwhelming nor is it underwhelming. Its healthy for the area we live in. We're talking $1000-1200. Hanford is a small town folks, you should be able to get a pretty nice house in this area for that much.

Key word being, should. I can't believe the state of the rental houses I have been shown. Buying a home is the BIGGEST investment most people ever make. It is not to be taken lightly. And the decision of renting, who to rent to, and who to have as a property manager is not something that can just be picked out of a hat. It seems that so many people rented to people that should never had keys to a home and those people destroyed the houses.

We went into one house - in a pretty good neighborhood, that had fist holes all over the walls and doors. We went to another area in a very nice and coveted neighborhood that was missing the glassware on light fixtures, had boards missing out of the fences and the toilets were dirty. And the best part - both houses were advertised as $1100. No joke.

I have called every house (that fits our criteria) that is advertised online and in the newspaper. That's at least 50 houses. And I get more and more upset when this dialogue happens.

"Hi, I'm calling on the house advertised in the Hanford Sentinel. Is it still available?"

"Yes, it is. Its a three bedroom, two bathroom on (insert street). It has a two door garage with an automatic door, and lawn service is included."

"Oh, that sounds great. Do you have a pet policy?"

"Uhhh.... uhhmmmm... what kind of pets do you have?"

"Well, we have three rescued pets. A german shepherd, an outside cat and a maltese/poodle mix. And we do have Renter's insurance."

"Oh, yeah. No, no pets. Sorry."

"Ok. Well I hope you trip and fall down."

...Okay, I don't really say that last part. But I think it. Its house, after house, after house. It is very frustrating.

I understand that pets can be messy. They can have accidents. They make mistakes. But guess who else does? PEOPLE. Children! I say, if you allow families that have children you should allow pets. Its pretty much the same thing. And if they do chew something up or ruin something? Guess what - the renters are LIABLE. That is why there is something called a deposit and a pet deposit. Because if something should go wrong, you have an extra thousand or so dollars to fix it. And, the lease should state that the house should be returned as it was when it was leased, beside "normal" wearing over time. That's like... worn carpet on the constantly used paths.

So, the house hunt is pretty horrible. And I'm super discouraged. But Bryan is trying to be a little ray of sunshine by telling me that it will all work out.

I sure hope so.

Weekend Recap

2010-01-03T21:58:00.000-08:00

A couple of nights ago, Bryan told me that one of the guys from the band he has been playing with lately invited us to go out to Jimbo's with all of them and their wives on Saturday. I'd never been and I figured it would be fun. It would also give me a chance to get to know the guys since Bryan has been and will be spending so much time with them. We accepted the invitation and looked forward to it.

When Saturday came around, Bryan worked and I fixed up my blog. (Did you notice?) I decided that I needed a change. I'd really like to dedicate more time to SSMM but its hard. I often think to myself that I should take pictures of whatever we happen to be doing at the time, but then I chastise myself. I have to remember to LIVE my life... not just capture it. It's a tight rope, but I hope to do a better job of balancing the two. I would love to be able to look back on this little diary of mine, and revert back to these moments.

Anywho, my sister, Kari and her husband, Adam, came by the house to bring my wedding bins, a end table and a few other things. Bryan arrived home a few minutes after we were done looking at everything and we decided to play a few rounds of Mario Kart on the Wii. SO MUCH FUN. It was nice being able to hang out with them... They are hilarious. After they took off, I went to shower and ready myself and we ended up leaving the house around 6:45. I begged Bryan to stop by Starbucks. I am loving those Christmas gift cards! It was a nice little treat to keep the chills away - not to mention it pepped me up for what I knew would be a late night.

I haven't had In-N-Out in forever so that is where Bryan and I decided to eat. When we were done, the VZ Navigator took us out to Timbuktu instead of where we wanted to go. It was kind of hilarious... We ended up WAAAAY out in the country on East Bullard where there was no 'night life' in sight... besides the coyotes that were hanging around, I'm sure.

We finally arrived at our destination. Jimbo's is a pretty cool place... With a lot of different characters. The band ended up being pretty good and one of the wives we were with managed to get Bryan on stage.

It was a great time and even better was the fact that we had made plans to go Garage sale shopping when we woke up on Sunday. Except that we didn't. We made it home late, and by the time we were up and around it was too late. Instead, I threw all the fixings into the crock pot for Taco Soup and we went out on the town.

We drove around a bunch of local neighborhoods that we would want to live in. Our lease is ending at the end of this month, so we'll be moving. Its stressful and exciting all at once. Then, we went to return Christmas stuff at Target and FYE. Bryan had gotten me hot rollers, which I wanted super badly) but they didn't work on my hair. He also bought me Bones: Season 3 and 4 for Christmas, except I already had season 3... and one of the discs for season 4 didn't work! We exchanged the season 4 for a new one,

and I chose Dollhouse: Season 1 instead. LOVE. THAT. SHOW. I was really happy.

We spent some time in Game Stop and Borders since we both had gift cards but we left empty handed. They didn't have the book that I wanted and Bryan couldn't find anything he wanted so we decided to wait. I succeeded in getting Bryan to let me go to Ross because I've been looking for filler for a vase that I bought at Big Lots (for ten dollars! Love that place.) and I found some that matched perfectly! It was a successful outing!

Rick, Bryan's Dad, came over for some Mario Kart and dinner. We decided at the last minute to go see Up in the Air, the new movie with George Clooney. Folks, it's a dud. Totally not a good movie to pay for. At the end, you feel empty. It gives you no feelings of happiness, sadness, retribution, excitement, mystery.... absolutely nothing. Its not horrible... its just a flop. Anna Kendrick (known recently for her part in Twilight and New Moon) did a pretty great job though. She's a promising little actress.

Today marks the end of a four and a half day weekend for me, so its off to bed so I can work tomorrow. Hopefully the day flies by and I'll be on my way to the gym for Yoga and then off to Kari and Adam's for dinner. Seems to me like it'll be a great day tomorrow!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

2010-01-02T18:36:00.001-08:00

This year, Bryan and I decided to have a couple of friends over the house to play games and hang out. Since our lease is up at the end of January, we decided that it would be more frugal then going out on the town. It ended up being us and Denise, Anna, Colleen and Jordan.

It was fun and laid back! Next year though, we're gonna party! Maybe.... Vegas? Who knows!

Here are a few pictures of our night!

To Make You Feel My Love...

2009-12-06T17:47:00.000-08:00

Here are some wedding photos! This took forever. I hope that Blogger updates their photo uploading process soon. Jeez!

I Forget...

2009-11-10T23:51:00.001-08:00

I've done So. Much. the last few weeks that my time line is all screwy.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it before, but I was elected in July to be the Committee Chair for the Young Republicans Formal. Luckily, I was saved from doing this task alone because Andy quickly assumed the role of Co-Chair and I probably owe him my life, or first born, or something. Because there is no way I would have been able to do it without him.

On top of that, we had a GREAT bunch of people that helped us with the planning and decorations (Shout-out to Kelly Brown - who is amazing and totally should have been an honorable mention during the event, and Justin Dutra who put forth a ton of effort in selling tickets and being there through pretty much, every step of the way.)

It was especially nice because my "vision" was something that Kelly saw very clearly, and together we worked out the kinks. I explained what I was going for and she made it happen - all on a budget. It was suuuh-weet.

The event was held at Jack Stones Barn, we had a great turn out and I heard so many good things about it. I think it is definitely going to grow over the next five years to be one of the biggest Young Republican events, whether I am a part of it or not.

The tables came out perfectly. It was a great night all around and I can't WAIT for next years!!

My FAVORITE Neice... (for now, anyways)

2009-11-10T23:29:00.000-08:00

I really don't even want to be typing this right now. I don't want to acknowledge, again, that its true.

My Emmers has turned 5 years old this year. WOW. Time has just whipped by. Crazy how it does that. Sometimes I can't believe how old I am, how old my friends are, that my sisters are married, that one of my sisters already has two kids, and another precious one of the way. Then Kari and Adam will add to their family, and Alison's kids will have cousins. COUSINS. That is just insane to me. But its also normal. I guess it'll always feel weird because I still see my sisters as they were when we were young. Heck, I still flip out when I look at the mirror. I remember wanting to be older, to be in love, to have long hair and be able to wear make-up. I wanted to be a grown up so badly. Now that I am, I'm like... Whooooa. No way, I'm still just a kid, until I look in the mirror and find that even though I look very similar to 8-year-old me, I have grown and matured. Which is the weirdest thing. Ever.

I digress. Emma wanted to get her ears pierced, badly. She was ready. Alison and Mark told her that for her birthday, if she still wanted to get it done, then that would be her present. Well, if you know anything about Emma, you know that she has a mind like her Mom. As soon as she gets something in her head, she follows through.

So, all of her aunts and her nana (Grandma was out of town that weekend) joined Alison and Emma to watch her experience the right-of-passage of getting her ears pierced at Claires in the local mall.

It was HIGHlarious. Emma was so nervous, but was acting so brave. Then, they marked her ears, and Alison checked, and double checked, and triple checked that they weren't lopsided. The two girls lined up and as soon as they did it, Emma SCREAMED and then burst into tears. She was over it pretty quickly, and she just wanted a mirror to look at her pretty new earrings.

Kari has a video of it, and once I get my hands on it I'll post for your viewing pleasure. (That's right Claires - We took video. So HA to you and your stinking rules.)

Enjoy the photos!

Haha, a classic Emma smile while for the chicks as Claires to come over.

All of us were talking to both Alie and Em to ease their nerves.

Emma hugged that bear so tight, she would have killed it if it had been real.

Getting her ears marked so that they were just right!

Alison encouraged her the entire time.

Emma's tears made her Momma cry!

Both Mom and Daughter survived the piercing!

Emma, cheesing it with her brand new accessories! :)

Many years ago...

2009-11-10T23:16:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, my Mom and I went searching for the venue for the impending wedding. We went up to Orange Blossom Junction, and although it was quaint, it wasn't "right."

We got all nostalgic on the way there though, because we used to travel that way to church many years ago, when our family was still just the 5 of us. We decided to take the rest of the drive, since it had been years, so we could see what became of our little church nestled in the foothills.

This is what we saw:

This is the front of the church and the main entrance.

This is where the babies and toddlers would go to Sunday School.

Inside this door is where the elementary school children would learn about Jesus and color - cause the two things really go hand in hand at that age.

This is the side view of the main room in the little chapel, and of a bench I remember sitting on after church. It was "the spot" for me and my two friends.

It was a really crazy experience to go back after all these years. My Mom and I were kind of thrown back in time while we reminisced over the old days.

A Simple Mistake

2009-11-10T23:10:00.000-08:00

Soo... I went to Applebees for lunch about a month and a half ago and I ordered their yummy Chicken Broccoli Alfredo Bowl (which is one of the very, very few items I like at Applebees) and couldn't finish it, as usual.

I took the rest home, so that I could take it to work. However, the bowl in which to heat it up in was forgotten. Knowing that if I microwaved Styrofoam I'd have a mess on my hands, I went with this:

Seemed like an A-OK thing to do at the time. Until I pulled this out of our dinosaur of a microwave:

. . . Oops. Luckily, no one saw my disaster, and I was able to slip it into another bowl without detection. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die 5 years early for eating melted plastic though. :)

A Lot to Catch Up On

2009-11-10T22:39:00.000-08:00

So, planning a wedding in five weeks took up much more time than I thought, so I am radically behind on my postings.

As of right now, I've had a headache for 4 days - tomorrow will make it 5. I'm praying that when I wake up tomorrow, I won't have a headache. Saturday night it peaked to a migraine, but since then, I've been just living will this severe pain that at sometimes, I can work with... Other times, I wince from how much pain.

This has to be bad, right? I mean - A brain can only take so much.

Oh well, enjoy a few of the posts that I should have posted years ago. Hopefully this will make up for my absence.

I'm pretty sure this post is not "making good use of my time."

2009-10-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

A conversation Bryan and I had this afternoon.

*ring*

Bryan: Hey! Working hard or hardly working!

Me: Eh... Working hard...er than earlier. (We spoke earlier in the day and I told him I was having a hard time concentrating.) What are you doing?

Bryan: I'm just leaving the store.

Me: *gasp* REALLY? Will you stop by a gas station and get me chocolate? Pleeeaaasssssee??

Bryan: Whaat? No! Chocolate is bad for you and it gives you migraines.

Me: NO it doesn't. I'm craving some! Its the whole hormones thing, babe! Please!

Bryan: No, (then he probably said something that translates to, "I'm not getting you chocolate because I don't understand what it is to be a woman and I am insensitive to the whole menstrual process." Although, I'm not sure if that is what he meant because I stopped listening after he said "No." and started thinking of a really good reason why he should get me chocolate.)

Me: Babe. I really need some chocolate! All you have to do is grab it and drop it off on your way in to town. It's not like its out of the way!

Bryan: Yes it is! I'm already on the freeway!

Me: WHAT THE HECK!? You just said you were right by the store.

Bryan: No! I was already on the freeway when I told you that. And I don't think there are any stores between here and there.

Me: UGH. Whatever. Bye.

*click*

So, thirty minutes later Bryan shows up and THIS is what he hands me:

M&Ms and a Hershey's Bar. Not bad. Except that its not good either. Its DARK chocolate. And if its DARK chocolate that means its not MILK chocolate which is what I was craving.

Conversation between Bryan and I about the "chocolate" he brought.

Me: What is this?

Bryan: Chocolate.

Me: Its DARK chocolate.

Bryan: Its better for you.

Me: Babe! I don't want better for you! I wanted a Snickers!

Bryan: Chocolate can give you migraines!

Me: Bryan. Chocolate and Dark chocolate are two different things. Chocolate is chocolate and Dark Chocolate is chocolate. I mean, ugh! Its NOT chocolate! Dark chocolate is NOT chocolate! Its different! And whenever someone says they want/need DARK chocolate they always specify. I said CHOCOLATE.

Bryan: I think its ridiculous that I had to go get you chocolate for you not to be mad at me.

Me: I wouldn't have been mad! I mean, besides the whole PMS thing. I just wanted some chocolate!!!

Bryan: You were too. You were all, whatever. Bye.

Me: Look. Thank you for bringing me chocolate. I just wanted like.. a Reese's Buttercup or something. Not this.

Bryan: Ugh.

My work phone starts ringing.

Me: Okay. Love you babe.

Bryan: Love ya. Bye.

-

After I dealt with the phone call, I posted this on Facebook.

And of course, I spelled menstrual wrong. UGH. I blame it on the LACK. OF. CHOCOLATE.

PS. I still love Bryan and he is amazingly amazing for getting me chocolate, albeit not the kind I wanted.

PPS. I don't have a specific problem with dark chocolate but when you are craving CHOCOLATE and you get DARK its very disappointing.

PPPS. Chocolate has not been linked to my migraines. I'm pretty sure my unhealthy diet has something to do with it but it is mostly because of me STRESSING about my job, unhealthy diet and love-handles. Also, stressing about getting dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate can create migraines. So I guess chocolate does affect migraines (Read: Bryan was right) .

A New Commitment

2009-09-26T08:53:00.000-07:00

Its amazing to me how quickly life spins you into different phases of your life. Lately, I have hardly had time to stop and breathe let alone stop and think about all the things that are happening right now in my life.

I was thinking the other day of how this looks to people on the outside. When I look at it, its hard for even me to discern the catalyst of the past few weeks.

I am getting married.

I am getting married??

Crazy. Insane. Nothing I would ever have predicted a year ago, six months ago, three months ago. This past year and a half has been... indescribable. Its zoomed past me, almost totally on its own. And now, its halted, at this major event and then after? Will it be a slow and peaceful life? Will it be fast paced and full of adventure with my new husband? Will it be hard? Will it be easy? Will we make it?

Those questions have been swirling in my head and all I can come up with is YES. YES. It will be slow and peaceful at times. YES, it'll be filled with new adventures. Yes, it'll be hard at times and easy at times. Will we make it? YES.

Bryan and I have loved each other since I was 14 years old. Fourteen. Years. Old. Of that time we have spent about three years apart. Including the last year and a half. We clicked in a remarkable way when we met in Lemoore so many years ago. We have spent hours upon hours on the phone talking about life, love, family, God - and all of the other run of the mill topics. We have been linked in such a profound way that I am not really all that surprised by this.

But I know some of you are. Which I suppose is a reason for this post.

Three months ago I was dating Michael. I'm sure you remember him. I would usually refer to him as Mike B. but that was 86'd when the other Michael exited from my life (and blog!). So, Michael was amazing. He was a tad bit younger than me, but was unlike anyone I had ever met. I just reread that sentence and I have to amend - Michael IS amazing. He is going to be a catch for a really lucky girl. And I hope that she makes him so happy that he can barely stand it. He deserves it much more than he thinks he does.

Things started to fall apart between us, and in July, some really awful things were happening to me. Personally, professionally, I was taking a hit. It was one thing after another. A rough slope and my body was just bouncing on each event harder and fast than the one before. I couldn't keep up. Things between Michael and I continued to deteriorate and we both just checked out.

Fast forward to August. Bryan moved back from L.A. where he had been attending The Musicians Institute. We hung out one day - purely as friends - to catch up on each others lives. I told him about everything that was going on with me and he filled me in on everything that was going on with him. I told him about how I was involved with the Young Republicans club and how I had been elected to be Chair of the Formal Committee and how Andy saved my life by signing up to be my co-chair. He started to ask questions about my involvement and the things we did as a group. He was interested in the people I had met through the club.

I told him that I had already met so many great people and I hoped that our club would continue to grow and be active. He asked if there were any guys there that I thought were cute. Of COURSE there were guys in there that was cute. And I mentioned one in particular that I had enjoyed conversing with. Then I was quick to amend, "but he doesn't look at me that way." This spiraled a whole bunch of different conversation that on my end, isn't too important to the story.

I had enjoyed talking to Bryan, so we continued to hang out here and there as friends. One night, Bryan mentioned that our relationship had been an either - just commit to it and ride it through, or get away from it completely. Which I agreed with. Because we are So. Incredibly. Different. we are very passionate people about opposite things which in some cases, is an awesome and amazing thing. In other instances, it can be the sources of fighting over stupid things and being controlling over certain situations.

Things started to calm down (in some aspects) of my life and I was getting a handle on things. Michael and I were over completely by now which is something that is hard to adapt to. The end of any relationship fills you with this... What do I do with myself now? complex. I was already SO busy, but it was the nights that were hard...and the weekends. Michael and I hung out so much that there were blocks of time that I'd just be what now? So, luckily, I had projects to stretch out in that time and I had Denise and Anna who filled up the rest.

Then, slowly but surely, Bryan and I spent more time together. As our time together grew, our conversations with each other went to a deeper and more complex place. A while later, I realized that my feelings for Bryan had resurfaced with a vengeance. When I asked him, how did this happen?! He look at me and said, "Well, the first time we hung out made me scared that I was going to lose you forever. That you were going to meet some guy in YR that could sweep you off your feet. So I just waited. I hung out with you more and more. Then at some point I started wooing you and you let me. I couldn't believe you were letting me! And now we're here."

I didn't know he was courting me. Now that I look back, I see that he was slowly and surely moving me into that place, but at the time, I had no clue. And I was scared by my feelings. I was not ready to love Bryan again. Loving Bryan is a full-time job. I'm not trying to be mean, but it is. And I bet he'd say that loving me was a full-time job too. (Although, now I think he sees my independence - something I didn't have when we were together before.)

"...And now we're here." Where? Where EXACTLY were we? And then... In a blink of an eye, were are here. Marriage was thrown around, parents were talked to, a ring was purchased, and at my sisters house, last Friday, Bryan got down on one knee and asked the one question I always dreamed about, and the one I never thought would happen.

If I was reading this blog, I would be thinking that this blog needed to get to the good stuff. The juicy stuff. Unfortunately for anyone that might read this blog, there is no juicy part. Bryan and I have always wanted a fall wedding. Any time we EVER spoke about getting married it was always in the fall. Its our favorite season. So it was either, plan a wedding in 6 weeks or wait 12 months. Neither of us wanted to do that. Especially me. I do NOT want this long and complicated process to be drawn out. I have always wanted a small wedding, and selfishly, I knew that this would be a way to get that.

I'm not pregnant. This isn't a shotgun wedding to cover anything up. It's just a quick wedding. We've made the decision. We've committed to this. So, we've decided on October 25, 2009.

I am so happy and so blessed. :)

Righteous Anger

2009-09-16T17:32:00.000-07:00

I read posts like this and I feel her anger. I feel like its justified. I believe that God understands anger. I believe that God understands frustration and helplessness. And I think that it's OK to be angry about your circumstances to a certain extent. Sometimes, in cases like Jonah, I feel like Patrice has a right to be angry that she won't be able to see her son play sports. Or to give him big bear hugs and have tickle fights. I know I would be.

I also see Patrice's strength in those posts. Even when she is at her weakest. I feel that she believes and trusts in God, that she knows he has a plan. I know she gets frustrated and upset, because she is human.

Well, I'm angry. I don't know if it is righteous anger. But I am so mad. And right now, I am torn two ways. One part of me wants to get up in God's face and talk to him, to yell and scream at him. And part of me wants to just give him the cold shoulder. I don't know which one I want to go with.

Lots of big things are going on right now in my life. And yes, I'll explain more later but this isn't the time. But, I am so gosh-darn frustrated that my Dad just checks out whenever he wants. I'm tired of him being an alcoholic. I'm tired of going through the push and pull that being an alcoholics daughter brings. I hate that he misses out on so much of my life. And I am so PISSED that I miss out on HIS. It's a two way street. When he drinks, neither of us gets to spend time with the other.

Then, on top of everything else, I remember all the things I am mad at. All the things I missed out on. My Dad's alcoholism got really bad when I was born. My entire life he's been a binge drinker, and it's effected my life the most. For an example, today I was talking to my boss, Kim, and a few other people at work. I mentioned that what I really wanted, above anything else for my birthday was a bike. They kind of looked at me like I was crazy. And when they asked if I had ever had a bike, I said no. I wasn't taught to ride a bike until I was in the 5th grade. Then, when I learned, I used my sisters old bikes. I never got that, OH-MY-GOSH moment. (Note: I had my sisters bikes, which I am grateful for, but it wasn't like it was cleaned up with new tires and given to me. I dragged it out of the garage, sprayed the spiders off of it, and did what I could with it. It wasn't a special event like it is to so many people.)

What a flashback that gave me. I remember my Dad had been drunk the week before his 40 or 40-something birthday. On Saturday morning, He grabbed a half-way decent bike, and took me over to Monroe school, where he taught me how to ride a bike. I had been begging for years, weeks to learn, but he was always drunk during the weekends or it was never a good time. Thinking about it makes me so angry. 5th grade. FIFTH GRADE. Every major event in my life my Dad has missed. I remember being so scared that he would drink before every band concert or Peach Blossom contest. I remember looking at the crowd to see if he would show up, and my Mom would just smile and shrug her shoulders at me.

I get SO angry thinking about it. Throw something at the wall angry. So many memories were missed out on. So many birthdays and Christmases ruined. I always felt he put the bottle before me, before my sisters, before his wife.

And although he doesn't drink as often as he used to he still does. And it makes me mad. How could he? After all these years. After all that is happened. After what it does to his body. HOW CAN HE CONTINUE TO DRINK? How can he look at me, drunk as a skunk, and straight up lie to my face. How can he live his life this way?

On Monday, my Mom and I did something very important. Very exciting and important. On the way home, a song came on my iPod. A song I have listened to many times before. It was called "Sober" and it is sung by Pink. As I was singing it, at the top of my lungs, I started thinking about them. Then I started connecting things. Then I started crying. There I was, driving home from Fresno and all I could do was cry.

I thought about how my Dad doesn't even have that. He doesn't have this constant addiction. He doesn't need alcohol every day to function. He doesn't get happier when he drinks. He feels worse. And then he comes out of it, he feels nothing. He hasn't felt the presence of God in a long time. He doesn't know who he is or what to do with his life. He's just a floater.

Do you know that its nearly impossible to rehabilitate a binge drinker? They can go years - literally - YEARS without drinking. They can play the part better than any actor or actress. They can go through rehab, AA, church programs... everything without an problem.

So today, as I finish this post and get up to go work out so I can work my anger (and fat) off, I am hopeless. I won't ever have a normal relationship with my Dad. He will always be plagued by his addiction, and I will always be waiting for him to come out from the fog.

Until then, I keep going through the roller coaster. Some days I have hope, some days I want to cut off all communication, and some days I want to cry because of all the loss and heartbreak this has caused in my life, in my families life. And I will keep trying to believe that God has a plan, and His Will will be done.

____

PS - Sober by Pink:

PPS - I love my Dad so much.

Yeah... We know.

2009-09-11T15:39:00.001-07:00

An Open Letter: My Body

2009-09-02T12:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Body,

You serve me well. You've always been there for me. You've stuck with me for almost 22 years. Sure, you are a little short. Granted, you have bad knees, big hips, large love-handles and are 25 pounds more chunky than you should be. Of course, I can't wear those cute little outfits they wear on TV and on the Forever 21 advertisements. Then comes the stress at work, from being uncomfortable with you around, from life in general. And, as a true, TRUE friend you shut down on me with what Doctors call a 'migraine' but I generally refer to it as 'My Bodies Betrayal."

Don't let my previous comments get you down, dear body. For I love you when I have lost all of my "water weight" and when I am swimming. I love you when I need to walk around or run errands or attend church or a birthday party. I love on you when I am cold, wrap you up in a big blanket, do what I can for you when you are in pain. I take you to the doctor when you are sick. I blow your nose and I paint your nails.

I also realize that a relationship like ours is a give and take. Probably with you doing more giving and me doing more taking. But if I didn't feed you, you would be unable to give... So it's really a wash.

So, why? WHY are you doing this to me? Why must you be in such pain when I have so much to do today? Why is it that One. Day. After. I sign up for the gym you decide to go all "time of the month" on me? And fine, if you have to, you have to. I understand. I get it. But, WHY do you HAVE to crave chocolate so BADLY? Why did I have to purchase that brownie from Panera Bread today? WHY did you make me walk into my Superintendent's office to get a Snickers out of his candy jar? I don't understand.

You are already keeping me from the gym. Do you HAVE to make me eat horrible things as well?

I'm hurt. And I'm angry. I know I'll get over it. I know you'll get over it. But I still am hurt. And I fully expect you to work really hard at the gym with me. Because we'll only be able to do this if we work together.

Until then, I'll try to be patient. And don't rush me. Right after I post this, I WILL go and get a Twix from the candy jar. Because I love you.

Megan

Insomniac Sayings

2009-08-25T01:22:00.001-07:00

I can't sleep. I've been up for the past hour or so just thinking and creating really awesome ringtones. So many in fact that now I have absolutely no idea which song I am going to chose to be the main ringtone. Now I have So Many Choices that I honestly can't pick one. I'm going to have a different ringtone for every hour in the day. Which would actually be kind of cool.

Moving on... I think I blame Anna. If I wasn't such a NICE person I would totally call her right now. She told me she's been having a hard time sleeping and she gave it to me. I can't sleep. My mind is going four thousand miles a minutes and it really isn't working out for me.

Unfortunately, none of what is passing through the brain tubes are things that I can blog about.

One thing though, I found out today that one of my Dad's friends and sponsors passed away. He was older and he died of cancer. Please pray for my Dad and the loved ones of this man. I'm sure they all need comfort.

A Functional Desk

2009-08-09T14:49:00.000-07:00

Something that has happened at work recently, that may not seem like a big deal to you but is to me, is that I talked my boss into letting me extend my desk. The only thing I could come up with were to install shelves, but my boss is amazing and had a better plan. I forgot to take a before picture but I manage to take some after pictures.

I used to have to four drawer file cabinets on the left side of my desk. To extend my desk and give me more space, I replaced one of the four drawers for a two drawer, and it has worked out perfectly.

Here is a better view. The cabinet is almost flush with the desk, so it works out nicely.

Here is a picture of my desk all neat and organized... Using the extra space that I have. It was been WONDERFUL. Oh, are you wondering who the Really Hot Guy is on my computer screen? Let me zoom for you:

This, is Robert Pattinson, in all his yummy, squinty eyed glory. *sigh* Its a nice little pick me up during the day. :)

Fun Times at the Zoo

2009-08-09T13:21:00.000-07:00

I would like to start off this blog by saying that July was one of the WORST months for me. It is a true saying when people reference, "when it rains, it pours." I can't believe the goings on of this past month and I am also saddened by the fact that July seems to be seeping into August.

The past month at work has been really difficult. Unfortunately, I can't go into much detail because things aren't resolved and maybe won't ever be. But if you could take a moment to pray for me and the people at work involved with the situation, I would greatly appreciate it.

Anywho, every summer I take a few days off to have a 'vacation' and this year I decided to escape to my sister house. Alison and Mark welcomed me in to their home for 4 whole days and I love spending time with them.

While we hung out and went to Coronado beach which is my FAVORITE beach, the biggest adventure that we had was going to the San Diego Zoo, a place that I had not been for quite some time. Actually, it had been over ten years ago that my Mom and Dad trekked our whole family to visit my Dad's cousin Dorothy who lives in San Diego.

The reason why I wanted to go so badly was because they just opened up the Elephant Odyssey and if you know anything about me you KNOW that I love elephants. Like... some people collect china plates with cat's on them. Some people collect beanie babies... I collect elephants. That's what I do.

Before I get to the pictures that I know you so desperately want to see, I needed to tell you a story and I wish above all other wishes (at the moment) that I had taken pictures. After we left the Elephant Odyssey portion of the zoo we went to see the lions (which is one of Alisons' favorite parts) as we were standing there, looking at the regal animals, Alison points out a sign. The sign warns that we are in a danger zone of BEING SPRAYED and we should keep back 9 feet. Seriously? How many people were at the zoo staring at the awesome power of the lions and then the lion lifted its leg and SPRAYED all over them?

That would be a good story though... to an extent. Maybe not for the person that was sprayed but for the person that is hearing the spraying story. Like... If Denise came to me and told me that she visited the zoo and was sprayed by the lions I would DIE laughing. Literally. And when I got to the pearly gates and Jesus came to see me, I would STILL be laughing. And because God created laughter and humor I think he would laugh a little too. But that's just me.

On to the pictures:

(Alison and I waiting in line so that she could purchase her season pass... I say to this picture, "Hello, Megans' Squished Nose.")

(The cutest Koala... possibly ever.)

(A leopard that was being walked around the park.)

(Me... standing in front of the elephants butts. :) )

(I could hardly contain my excitement.. They are so massive and awesome!)

( The only way this picture would be better is if the elephant was REAL!)

(Oh wait... I guess there is another way for the picture to be better, add Alison and viola!)

(My loves! They were so good all day... Emma loves the zoo! )

An Open Letter: Pandora.com

2009-08-06T15:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Pandora.com,

Thank you for being awesome.

I really appreciate you playing all of the best Christian Music on my Phil Wickham station. Work has been super stressful and listening to this music has helped me to stay positive.

Although I am not happy with your 40 hours-per-month limitation on listening to your awesomeness, I am willing to forgive you. I may also be willing to work your $36 per year plan into my budget after I pay off my Dell credit card.

Well, I just wanted to write and say, keep up the good work.

(Oh, and if you ever stop working like you did the other day, my next open letter will NOT be so loving. K, pumpkin?)

Much love,

Megan

Quick Snippet

2009-07-30T14:19:00.000-07:00

**UPDATE** Ksks.com's website is back up. The music is streaming. People, you can stop fearing for your lives. I am calm now. Okay. Back to work. :)

OKAY.

I have had it!

First, Pandora tells me I only get 40 hours a month, which now is already used.

Second, I found the AWESOMENESS that is Kiss Country streamed online. (Which abated my anger at Pandora)

NOW KISS COUNTRY'S WEBSITE IS DOWN.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

Why can't I just listen to music as I work? I focus better. It helps me think. Why am I being punished by silence?

It's not fair.

And yes... This is my ~~pity~~ party and I'll cry if I want to.

Confusing Directions

2009-07-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

This might seem random, but I find that I am a tad more honest and open when I blog at night. Is that weird? I mean... I generally think of myself as a very honest and straight forward person. But even I have my moments when I am guarded... although I try not to be on here.

Last Tuesday night, Ryan, Denise, Andy, Anna, Anna's sister Sarah, their friend Erin and myself went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

I liked it a lot, obviously. But I felt that the book had a great line up for a screenplay. As much as I understand that the book will always have more details, I feel that the lines of the movie should parallel to the book. I think that the Half-Blood Prince was one such book that could have been translated into the theater without risking too much of the meat.

I was pretty disappointed. There were little things that were changed for seemingly no reason at all. Anna also made a great point: The movie focused so much on the relationships of the characters. But not on the most important one - the love story between Harry and Jenny. This story was all about building our knowledge of Voldemort. And yet we didn't learn very much about him. We didn't learn about Merope or what happened to Voldemorts father. We don't see what happens to Voldemorts grandfather. The whole thing really saddened me. The entire premise of the Half Blood Prince is to learn how to defeat the Dark Lord - and yet we hardly learned anything at all.

Anywho, I am still happy with the books and still an avid fan. Hopefully the next two movies will be worth the craziness in this one.

Early Wednesday morning I got up and loaded the Vdub. I made great time to Alisons' house where I am spending my vacation.

It has been so nice playing with Emma and Brody. They are so cute. Impossibly so. Last night, Alison and Mark went out on a date and Emma and I had a date of our own. We had dessert which consisted of a freshly cut pineapple that was delicious. We played Crainium's Hullabaloo and we watched Pinocchio... Which I haven't seen in years.

Okay... so maybe I am extremely lame for not knowing this, but does anyone else realize the similarities between Pinocchio's Hi-Diddelee-Dee (An Actors Life For Me), Snow White's Yo Ho, Yo Ho, It's off to Work We Go and Pirates of the Caribbeans A Pirates Life For Me?

I just put that together. Here are the links:

Pinocchio
Pirates of The Caribbean
Snow White

Moving on from that distraction...

I've been stressed lately. All this life stuff. When did things get so complicated? It feels like my life as 360ed in the past few weeks. The beginning of July set off a course of events and now I'm left with the remnants and I have no clue what to do with them. It's like I am trying to deal with it but I really don't know where to begin the process.

So, I do what I can.. I pray. Last night after the kids went to bed and I went out on the balcony and watched the cars pass. I had a long talk with God. I went through all the emotions... sadness, anger, confusion and then by the end of course, I apologized. I forgot that He has a plan. And right now His plan is changing MY plan and it completely frustrated me. Even though I shouldn't I felt like he was scolding me.

"Do you think you know more than I? Do you think you can plan your life better than I can?"

And of course, I know that I cannot. How could I? Against the one who knows every hair on my head... every desire of my heart.

Again, I am in the position of letting him take the reins. Which is hard for me to do. I feel like my heart is changing and I'm kind of scared what that brings. I've always known that I wanted to be a wife. I've always known that I wanted to be a mother and maybe even a stay at home mother. I mourned for a while when I learned that none of those things may be in the cards for me. I might not ever get married or find 'the one'. I might never get to experience motherhood.. and that saddens me to the highest degree.

Such is life. I just have to learn that things will come when they are meant to. And not when I desire them to be so. I have to keep my head straight and do what I can.

Hmm... off subject... the window is open in Alison's living room and the neighbors are smoking and its wafting in here. SERIOUSLY? Does this follow me every where I go?

The neighbors to the left of us at home smoke on their back porch... our swamp cooler sucks it in and blows it right into our living room. Geez.

Moving on. Tomorrow, I make the trek back to Hanford. I'm excited to go home and see my bestie and my babies, Duey and Danny. I guess I should be going off to bed to get some rest.

Until the next time....

Good Times at the KC Fair

2009-07-17T10:33:00.001-07:00

It has been too long. I know, I know. I am slacking like crazy. Alas, my life is busy, and when life gets busy blogging is placed on the back-burner. But, what is nice is that I actually have things to write about!

The past two weeks have been Really. Freaking. Crazy. There has been a bunch of stuff going on at work, PLUS getting ready for the new year.. PLUS closing out the old year... PLUS trying to get completely organized so that this year is nothing like last year.

I have also been trying to get the house situated because the owners are coming to visit and I really want them to SEE how much I love their house. Which proves to be difficult when
A.) I am poor.
B.) My roommate is poor.
C.) We both stink at gardening/physical labor for various reasons.

But, we've gotten some things done and we need to do more but all the super hard work is pretty much done.

Luckily, my friend Ryan who came to visit from Kansas, helped us out A LOT with the gardening. (He even cleaned our kitchen.) It was really awesome and helpful considering the fact that I've been so stressed trying to coordinate everything by myself.

Don't worry, I didn't JUST put my friend since 4th grade to work. We had a lot of long conversations about life and about our goals. We caught up as much as week could in the time that we hung out.

This past weekend was the Kings County Fair and Anna, Denise and I carpooled over to it. Here is a SUPER CUTE picture of us waiting in line... (which Anna was TOTALLY not happy about.)

Finally, we made it into the Fair! In true Hanford Fashion, when we walked in, there was an amateur rapping duo that was laying down the.. whatever it is they lay down. I really wish now I had snapped a picture because I think that it was hilarious.

So, we walk the strip and go down to animals. There was nothing too spectacular but Denise held a bunny... which was really nice until it spooked and tried to end it all by jumping like 4 feet away from her and back into the little petting area.

We met up with Ryan and got our over 21 wristbands and decided to go to the Josh Gracin concert which was good but not great.

We stood close to the stage and sang to the songs we knew... but what we were really interested is was the cute guitarist/singer/pianist/violinist. He was soooo cute. Every time he would pick up the violin my heart would melt a little inside. To our dismay, he doesn't photograph all that well, but we tried anyways:

And Anna was definitely enjoying the eye candy:

And in the background Ryan is trying to mess with her ear because that is what he does.

Now... I'd like to take a moment to reflect on our Favorite Fair Moment.

There we were... just minding out own business, when All Of A Sudden a man walked up with his lady. This wasn't just any man. This man had style, this man had class. This man was and is really everything that a woman could desire:

When this guy walked up, He was wearing the boots, wranglers, and a tucked in wife-beater shirt. Which was funny in and of itself... but then, he slipped on his light brown leather vest and he went from funny to DOWNRIGHT AWESOME. In fact, he was so awesome that Denise wanted to take a picture with him:

I wish, beyond wishes, that Anna's hand was just a TAD higher so that it would be right under his butt... Just because it would be hilarious.

After the concert, Denise and I took pictures with the Really Hot Guy.

We took some other pictures but I'll post those in a supplemental blog, since this one is already crazy long.

Oh, by the way. I had one and a half beers and a corn dog which was the Worst Idea Ever and I got totally sick.

But other than that it was a great fair and I can't wait for the next one!

I have tons more to update you with so make sure to check back!

Thought Process

2009-07-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

- It's annoying when people don't take care of business and do the right thing.

-Its annoying when doing the right thing bites you in the you-know-what.

-I'm annoyed.

-I also wish I had an accent like the person who recorded the phone menu for the Houghton-Mifflin-Harcourt publishing agency.

Thought Process

2009-07-07T09:22:00.000-07:00

July is going to be SUCH a great month!

-New Fiscal Year

-Ryan is visiting from Kansas

-Fair

-Harry Potter 6

-Visiting Alison and family in San Diego (NEXT WEEK)

-Meeting the owners of the house

-GETTING AN AIR CONDITIONER

I am so blessed!

Matters of the Heart

2009-07-06T21:26:00.000-07:00

**This post is totally coming from a disheartened Megan. Just an FYI for you.**

Most of the time I am okay with coming from a broken family. Most of the time I feel like I have overcome a lot of obstacles to get me to where I am today. And I feel like so far, I've succeeded.

Yes, I've made mistakes. Little ones and big ones. But I've learned. I've grown. I've managed to escape huge disasters. A lot of people that know me have said at one point, "I have no clue how you and your sisters turned out the way you did."

But sometimes things happen. Events in a day. Something that triggers a memory. Sometimes I'll look at the picture I have of my Mom and Dad in the mountains with snow surrounding them and I remember the casualties.

I feel the ache in my heart knowing that my future children (if I have any) will never see their grandparents together. And maybe worse, I know that Emma and Brody, who are here now, will never get to go camping with their grandma and grandpa.. something that they loved to do. Or go to the lake and swim. Or swim in the pool with them together. When they are old enough, they might hear my parents love story, but they won't really get it, won't understand it. It'll be foreign.

I know that everything happens for a reason. I know that God has a plan that I am not going to even try to figure out. And I know that the people that my parents are with now are so awesome and I am happy to have them in my life.

But I also mourn the loss for my original family of 5. I get sad at how much the decisions that our parents made has affected not only their lives, but all of ours too. I'm sad that there are all these rivers and valleys between the five of us and we'll never find a bridge or walk the distance to find each other again.

Luckily, humans adapt. Even though part of me will always wish that I could revert time and control every detail to make things happen a different way, I will always reject the idea. I would never want to disrupt what we all have now.

Alison, a woman I admire so much, has a wonderful husband and a beautiful family. I would never risk altering her life.

Kari, my fierce and loving sister is so happy with her life and her hubby and lil Gunther and their new house that they are making a home more and more each day... and to think of doing anything in the past that might change that gets automatically thrown out.

Maybe because I am single and still figuring life out, I have time to think about these things. Maybe because I was the only one left when my family finally cut the ties and I watched it all happen I have a different view. I don't know.

I just know that nights like tonight I wish I could call my parents and get some type of advice. Which I could probably still do, but why bring it up when everyone has moved on?

Q: Is Eating Raw Spaghetti Noodles Bad for My Dog?

2009-07-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

Cause if so, Houston... We have a problem.

Rewind to the beginning.

I borrowed The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks from my Mom. I got home and sat down, thinking to myself, "Oh, I'll read for a little bit to unwind, then I'll get some stuff done in the house." (Unwind because on Monday my auditors will be here... and this entire week has been really stressful and trying in order to get ready for that.... Not to mention that the caterer I was going to meet up with my canceled when I was already on my way. Annoying!!!)

Big. Fat. FAIL.

After a hundred pages or so, my stomach starts to ache a bit. Twenty five more pages and my stomach starts to churn. Seventy five more pages and my stomach is screaming - FEED ME NOW OR YOU WILL REALLY REGRET IT. And just to show it Means Business, my head gets a little twinge of a headache.

I concede, set down my book, realize that I have FOUR text messages (which is a lot, trust me.) and its 7:45. Whooooaaaa.. No wonder I am so hungry. I ate at 11:30 today.

I get up, decide to have some s'getti and I go to the pantry to get the noodles. I look in the usual area and there is nothing but a HUGE box of the noodles. I could have sworn that we had more than this box. Well, I quick scan the shelf above that and I see a smaller box of noodles that seems like it was sealed. I was like.. hmm... wrong placement. Oh well. So I grab it, THINKING that it is sealed. Lo and behold it is not sealed. Nosiree. The wonderful part is that the part closest to me was the bottom, and the part farthest from me was the unsealed part. In my raw Wonder Woman power, I yanked the box spilling noodles every where. Don't believe me? Oh, I have proof.

The damage:

Yes. I kid you not. I was like... Oh. My. Word.

I got the camera because I knew you guys wouldn't, couldn't possibly understand what a mess it was.

I'm taking pictures and when finished, I turn around to see this little guy doing a very naughty thing:

It's almost like he is thinking: Don't look at me, Mom. I'm just hanging out, being innocent.

What? I'm sitting here innocently... Can't you SEE?

Well...You are taking pictures so obviously you are not that mad. I'll just continue doing what I'm doing and you go about your business.

It was a pretty eventful start to my dinner preparation. But my food is now finished and my stomach hasn't gotten any fuller. Time to eat!

The Honest Scrap Award

2009-07-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

There are a few requirements and they are as follows:
- I must thank the person who gave me the award and list their blog and link it
- I must list 10 honest things about myself
- I must put a copy of The Honest Scrap Logo on my blog.
- I must select at least 7 other worthy bloggers & list their links
- I must notify the bloggers of the award and hopefully they will follow the above requirements.

---

As you can see I've been nominated for an award. Thanks to Hypnosis To Transform Your Life for tagging ME! I'm relatively new to the blogging world so I don't have seven blogs to tag, so I'm going to be totally lame and wait to tag people. I'm getting interested in a few more blogs so I'll tag some as soon as I am able and have blogs worthy of being tagged!

So, all I have to do now is blog Ten Honest Things about me.

1.) I am a morning person. I love waking up early in the mornings, sitting on the porch, having some coffee and reading a book. Or even just sitting there.

2.) I would love, (love, love) to be a stay at home wife and mother someday. I have such a desire to have the kind of life where I can be at home for my husband when he gets home, with a warm meal on the table and the house clean. I would love to have the privilege of watching my children grow and being able to really be there for them. (At least when they are younger.. once they get to middle school, I'd like to either have a part time job ooorr....)

3.) If I am able to be a stay at home wife/mom, I would love to put extra energy into writing. A long while ago I wrote a book, probably one that will never get published and I am writing my second one now. I would also love to write screenplays. Even if it is just a past time. But I'd love to write and get paid for it!

4.) I wish so badly that I was more creative. I wish I could paint or sew, or something!!! I would love to make my own dresses and build my own jewelry boxes... But have no clue where to start on that front. Haha... and I fear it will always turn out different than what I have in my head.

5.) You may or may not know this but I love to read. I love reading any books about relationships. I love reading about the interactions of people and just their daily life. Maybe that's why I love blogs!

6.) I love to watch movies. Give me a movie, some fruit, popcorn or ice cream and I am good. to. go.

7.) I am super-duper shy...even if it doesn't seem like it. I have to make SUCH an effort to be outgoing. I rarely ever make the first move... and half the time I'm getting to know someone I am trying to A. figure them out and try to gauge their personality and B. I wonder (and worry) if I'm going to be totally rejected.

8.) I am longing to develop long and lasting relationships with a girls at or close to my age. I am really missing the connection between girls... which probably stems from my sisters being either far away or enveloped in their own life. I would love to have a Sex and The City type group but without all the sex... and The City. But I'd love to have some real friendships where we can be honest and supportive with each other.

9.) I am never satisfied with my life. I always have goals... once I achieve the goal I take a few moments to bask in the awesomeness of achieving the goal... I then figure out my next goal... and I keep moving. I like to keep 'climbing the ladder." I guess that's the Republican in me. ;) They don't even have to be life changing goals... they can just be reorganizing the pantry! But I always have little things to accomplish.

10.) If I could go back in time to any moment, I would go back to this one vacation where my family and I went camping. I woke up in the morning and it was just me and my Dad and he was getting ready to cook breakfast...and he was making coffee.. I remember the smell.. Anyways. I was trying to climb up this little hill on the side of the mountain to get to a trail but I kept falling, so my Dad gave me his hammer and showed me how to notch foot holes in the dirt and climb up. I was so ecstatic. When I came back down my Mom and him were making breakfast and my sisters were waiting at the table. My Dad had Glen Campbell playing. It was such a nice family moment. I miss things like that.

There it is. I tried to be as brutally honest as I could. Hope you learned something new about me. :)

Looking for a Miracle.. or Two......or Three???

2009-06-28T20:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I woke up with the feeling that it was going to be a good day... for the most part, it was. I got to do some reading, visit Anna's new apartment, swim at my Moms and watch a little TV.. Unfortunately, while cuddling with Beanie, I fell asleep. I thought I had just dozed off for a little while and checked my phone to see what time it was.

Was it just a ten minute nap? No. It Wasn't. I fell asleep for an hour and a half. It was 4:57... I had plans at 6:00pm. Needless to say, I was late. Which set the tone for my plans. The night ended up being pretty crappy, despite getting four, really cute/cheap small blue vases from Pier 1. (Love that store.) Did I mention they were cheap? I paid $4.27 for them. Yeah, I know.

So, the night ends up with me in tears. Don't ask how it happened, but it did. I rarely ever cry. I was super frustrated. After that the night got a little better... then it got a lot worse. I had a migraine. My migraines have really been lightening up lately, but every time I am close to my 'time of the month' I will get a migraine. And I did last night. And no, it wasn't just a 'I want to blow my brains migraine'... it wasn't even a 'I want to place my head in a vice and twist the nob until there is enough pressure to stop the pain migraine.' No... it was a 'I want to completely detach my head, sell it on the black market, buy a new head, attach that head, and pray that the person whose head I now have does not suffer from headaches or migraines.' It was one of my epic hallucinatory migraines that I Just Love So Much.

Luckily, I had an (expired) Maxalt.. so I took that with two Aleves. I was in and out of ~~sleep~~ consciousness and then I completely woke up and my migraine turned into the throwing up kind. Ugh. I HATE the throwing up migraines.

Needless to say, I didn't make it to church today. But I did attend home group, so I don't feel too horrible. I also made it to Target to buy some new storage for my laundry room. I was perusing different blogs and one gave me an idea, so we'll see if it works.

After I finished putting everything together, Denise and I headed over to my Moms to go swimming. It was Glorious. We played games, tanned a little, swam a lot. It felt awesome.

We got home, did some cleaning up and Denise made dinner AND dessert. She's like the best popcorn popper ever. If people gave awards for that kind of thing, she would get one. For sure.

This weekend was pretty much a bust. I did have a few good moments. However, I had hoped that this weekend would be refreshing since this week I'm going to be working like a dog to get everything perfect for the auditors that will be coming on July 5 and 6. Please pray that I have the energy to get everything done and that the auditors take it easy on a first year. I'll let you know how it fairs.

Well, a little more laundry to do and I'm done for the day. Hope your weekend was filled with tons of good things.

PS... Please pray that the neighbors that smoke near our swamp cooler decide suddenly to quit for their health. Having cool air that smells like smoke is no bueno. Especially when you are standing right in front of it and it assaults you in the face. Actually, lets pray that the owners of the house decide to go ahead and put an air conditioner on the house. Yes... both of those are long shots... but God can move mountains. I have faith that He'll work it out!

PSS... I just had a two minute rant about how both Family Guy and American Dad had shows about how being gay is normal, natural and is okay. And Denise wonders why we watched part of the Charlies Angels marathon (a Farrah Fawcett tribute, so they were the older ones.) THIS IS WHY. Yes... Gay people, you are loved. Jesus loves you. I love you. But that doesn't make your lifestyle right... and it certainly shouldn't be conveyed to young kids (who have no business watching either of those shows) as okay. It's not okay. I'm sorry. I love you...but it's just not.

PSSS... I think I am super hormonal... *steps off soapbox.*

If My Life Was A Movie...Baby, I'd Be A Star!

2009-06-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

In order for you to understand today, I have to rewind you to yesterday.

Yesterday, after I worked all day, I went to Tom and Amy's and paid a RIDICULOUS amount of money for gas and if you purchase a car wash when you fill up your tank, you get a Whole Dollar off of your wash. Hooray! So, I did just that.

I set the pump to the fastest level and waited. From the corner of my eye, I see someone approaching me. Being a woman, I always get a little tense, especially since I have been ogled and hit on many times at this gas station. (But I like the owners a lot so I put up with it.) Well, I glance and its this guy that works in the store and he's coming at me waving his arms and flailing about and speaking (YELLING) his native tongue (Japanese? Chinese? Hmong? I'm not sure.) I look around me to see if he's yelling at me and of course, there is no one at the other side of the pump.

Immediately my mind is racing, okay, I didn't get into my car so there shouldn't be static build up. I am currently not on my phone or texting so he's not yelling at me about that.. I had no clue what I was doing wrong, so quickly I turned to grab the squeegee to wash my front windshield. In doing so, I pass him on the way to the front of the car and he hardly notices me. I watch as he gets his key out (all the while still yelling) and he unlocks the receipt part. He then turns to me and says, "Damn receipt paper. Always get stuck. Hour, hour. Minute, minute. THIRD TIME TODAY. You get receipt in store." He turns away from me and starts fiddling with the paper. I finished my washing of the windshield, put the pump back and walked into the store to get my receipt - which was imperative because that's how I would get my car wash code. It's printed on the receipt.

I'm trying so hard not to laugh because the guy was hilarious, I get my receipt, climb into Skeeter and go to the car wash port. I type in my code and start to drive in when I slam on my brakes because ~~Something Swoops Down and Tries To Kill Me~~ millions of pigeons swarm at the sound of the buzzer and one poops on my FRESHLY CLEANED WINDOW. My first reaction was surprise, then annoyance, and then I laugh. Of COURSE there are pigeons in the car wash. It's like an insurance policy for the gas station. Pay for Car Wash. Pigeon Poops on Car. Pay for Car Wash. It's an Endless Cycle.

So, I go through the car wash, praying a bird doesn't get caught on the brushes and I sing to Taylor Swift. No harm, no foul. But this put me in quite a good mood, which set up the rest of the night.

I went home, got ready as quickly as possible and then went to my sisters house who has started up a weekly Women's Group and last night was the first meeting. It was just a few girls and we got to know each other a little bit and set down what we'll be reading on what day of the week at what time. I was really excited to get involved, but unfortunately the day they are meeting are Thursdays.. Thursdays are Really Bad Days for me. So I'll attend when I can but it won't be often and I'm sad. Hopefully someone else will start a group on like Tuesdays because I would be first in line to sign up.

After everyone left, Kari and one of the girls were outside talking, so I let in Gunther so I could hang out. This is Gunther:

Yeah I know, irresistible right? So Gunther and I decide to Wreak Havoc on Kari's clean and lovely house. We chased each other EVERY WHERE... all over his wonderful bone, that looks like a cigar hanging from his mouth. Its adorable. We did this for a good 15-20 minutes and at the end, Gunther was breathing much like I was. Hard and fast. We finally conceded that he could have the bone and we cuddled on the couch for a bit to catch our breaths, then I left.

I went home, went to sleep. Slept.

Now, on to the REAL story.

This morning, the first thing I noticed was not the birds singing outside my window, or how my dog was curled up so sweetly next to me. No. The first thing I noticed was that my Butt was SO SORE. I climbed out of bed feeling like I worked out like a crazy person the night before. But I didn't work out. Why I am sore? IT COULDN'T BE BECAUSE I WAS RUNNING AROUND IN CIRCLES IN KARI'S HOUSE CHASING A DOG RIGHT? I had to do something else yesterday... Lunges? Run 10,000 miles? It couldn't be. It couldn't. It WAS. How very sad. So I walked into the bathroom and looked at my self in the mirror to assess the damage to my hair and with all seriousness, I looked like a early 80s pop star gone wrong. Terribly Wrong. My bangs were standing straight up, my hair was fuzzy and crazy and I forgot to wash off my eye make up so I had black all around by eyes. All I needed was a leather jacket and a cigarette dangling and you'd think I transported through time.

I repaired the damage (with my hair actually looking cute today...and no I didn't put it up in a crap ball, thank you very much.) And then I got excited. Today is Friday. Friday is half day. More importantly... Friday is Coffee Day!!! My morning routine gets a whole lot faster. I'm speeding around trying to get everything done as quickly as possible so that I can finally hold my Tall, Hot, White Mocha with Vanilla from Java Heaven. I couldn't wait!

So, the last finishing touches: Get Dressed; Put on Deodorant; Put on Jewelry; Spray Perfume; Grab purse; Leave.

All of those were standard... except for the deodorant. I have just developed ANOTHER allergy to the ONLY deodorant I have been able to use for years. *tear* After posting this on Facebook, Kari says she just bough a two pack and that I could try it to see if I liked it or if it destroyed my skin. I stood there... looking at my previously deodorant with disdain. How could you fail me? How could you? After all these years of searching. Why? Then I looked at the new stick of deodorant.. I suddenly went to a dark place. Which is worse? Putting on my old deodorant and dealing with the eating-my-flesh burning sensation or trying this new, SCENTED deodorant and possibly having a more severe reaction? I almost chickened out. Almost. Coffee pulled me through. I grabbed the new deodorant in a rush to get done, out and to Java Heaven when I came across a whole new problem. I, not for my life of me, could not take off the little plastic thingy that is ~~glued to the inside~~ used to keep the deodorant from drying out.

Finally, I used my teeth. I know. Don't judge me. So I put it on, half expecting my skin to sizzle off, but nothing happened. I put the top back on, set it down and went to my perfume. When I lifted my arm I stopped. I could smell it. I can SMELL the deodorant. Is that supposed to happen? Am I the only one that can smell it? WHO would think this was a better alternative. (Ugh, I can smell it right now.) I started to freak out. I don't like smells. Harsh smells give me migraines. I do not like migraines. I quickly recovered, sprayed the perfume and walked out side. As I was backing out of the garage, I turned to go right... and I smelled it. AGAIN. I'm freaking out, man! I literally had to talk myself into calming down and kept focusing on getting a coffee.

I suppose I was focusing really hard which is why I missed my turn. I had to make a U-turn just to go back to the coffee shop. And of course I did it. The thought would never have crossed my mind to just continue to work. No sirree. I wanted that coffee. Needed it.

Is it bad when I roll down my window and the woman at the drive through says, "Would you like your usual?" or is it good? Because I consider it a wonderful thing. "Why yes, I would!" and that's it. She went off to make it (I love when this girl makes it. It's the best) and that was that.

In a much, much better mood after getting my coffee with the decadent chocolate covered coffee bean on the top, I puttered off to work, leaving my window down. I got on the main road, went a steady speed of 60mph, when all of a sudden I am Viciously Attacked by a receipt gone awry! Mind you, I jacked my wrist up so right now, I'm wearing a wrist support to keep it straight, which unfortunately gives me limited movement in my hand. I am also driving with this hand because I cannot hold my coffee in it. My coffee is being held in my right hand.

Sooo... I had no tools to fight this demon receipt! I can only imagine if someone actually saw me this morning in my car. Frantically switching between waving my arms to stop the receipt from getting my face and trying to keep the car straight.

Other than all that craziness, I received great news today! Katie has been having some issues with Zac and things seem to be moving in her favor. Praise God! For those of you that are already praying, please keeping doing so.

Until next time!

Commit Random Acts of Awesome

2009-06-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, at around 2:00 in the afternoon, I started to feel really weird. My eyes were crossing, my head was aching, I was extremely overheated and I felt like I was going to be sick. So I left work in a panic to get home before Skeeter (my car) had the unpleasant experience of getting up-chucked on.

Luckily, after running to the restroom and sitting on the floor in front of the toilet for about 15 minutes and then lying in front of the toilet for 30 minutes I got up and went to bed. I dragged myself out of bed at like 5:30 and since Denise went up to Fresno to see Danette (who had hip replacement surgery and is doing very well) I decided to text my friend Anna to see what she was up too.

She took pity on me and my loneliness and invited me to a spa party. I stared at the phone for a good.. oh, two minutes trying to decipher what a 'Spa Party' was. Was it a party in which people brought their foot spas and gave themselves pedicures while discussing how husbands and boyfriends are completely clueless? Was it actually a party that was conducted in a spa? I had no clue.

I finally asked and it's like those Mary Kay and Avon parties. So, I went! It was cool. Because I have very sensitive skin and am allergic to multiple skin products, I tried everything on my arms and hands. However, I did get to paint Anna's face with a really think mask that smelled very Italian. I actually painted way too thick and she had a hard time getting it off, which made for a hilarious story that you can read here.

It was a great night. :)

Today was a fairly busy and productive day at work. I had to key our payroll and this entire year I have been 3 cents off. Just three. I couldn't for the life of me find out where and honestly, I just didn't have the time. This year has been so crazy, so much has fallen through the cracks. But I am excited for this year to close and next year to be way more organized on my part. Getting myself organized is the problem. Time is such an issue!

I am also thinking about a lot of projects to do around the house. I DESPERATELY need to clean my room. Its horrendous. I need to go through my clothes, pack away all of my long sleeve items and get rid of my old unused clothing. I am also thinking about sanding and staining a large dresser as well as fixing the hardware inside. The drawers are all jacked up. But as I was telling Denise at lunch, sanding and staining a desk is not something you can start and just NOT finish. So I'm going to have to seriously think and research if that is something I want to do. We'll see.

Tonight, I have a meeting at 6:15 at La Fiesta. The Young Republicans of Kings County are throwing a formal and I am coordinating everything with the help of Andy, my Co-Chair and Aaron, our Co-co-chair. We have a lot of things to discuss tonight but I am excited to get things on the way.

Other than that, I've been having a great start to my summer. It seems like it is going to be a Really Busy summer. My friend, Ryan, whom I have known since 4th grade when he used to walk me home from school (such a gentlemen) is coming for a visit. I haven't seen him in four years, since he lives in Kansas. I am SO excited to see him. It's a reunion that is long overdue.

I am also planning a trip down to see Alison and the family. I'm really looking forward to that and to me making her take me down to Coronado Beach. Which is my FAVORITE beach. Just in case I haven't told you that before.

Alright. I think I have tortured you with my mundane life quite enough for one post. One more word of advice: Enjoy your life. It's the only one you got.

July 15, Not Soon Enough.

2009-06-21T16:52:00.000-07:00

So, as we all know from this post, you know I am very excited about the sixth movie installment of the Harry Potter series.

If you don't FULLY understand how excited I am, let me help you.

1) Last week during work I was alone a lot. Usually, I would put on a Pandora station and get to work. On Monday night, I laid in bed to go to sleep and all I could do was think about this movie. I told my Mom and Larry at Figueros on Friday that I literally could NOT fall asleep because I made myself SO excited for the movie... So on Tuesday, instead of my beloved Pandora, I went here and let the trailer play over and over (and over and over and over) again.

2) My new friend Anna shares my love for Harry Potter, (as well as books, libraries, movies and hong kong... Yeah, she basically rocks.) SO...we decided to get together (and drag Denise along, hehe) yesterday to have a HARRY POTTER MOVIE MARATHON. And eat junk food. After getting food at the always DE-FREAKING-LICIOUS Port-Of-Subs we started our marathon right around 12:40. We watched, we ate, we ALL fell asleep during HP and the Chamber of Secrets, and it was a blast! We watched until 11:00 at night and Still Didn't Finish. So...

3) Since we are getting tickets on pre-sale (I've already emailed Lemoore Cinemas to get info cause I'm crazy) and going to the midnight showing (if not at Lemoore then Fresno) we decided that we'd get together before hand to eat dinner and watch the fifth movie, so that we can be FRESHLY reminded of it for this movie.

If those three things don't show you how excited I am, I don't know what will... maybe that I am contemplating purchasing a Entire Outfit from WBshop.com?

I know. I know. But you have to admit... better that I am into a book/movie series than into drinking and drugs... Am I right or am I right? :)

On another front, today is Fathers Day, and I'd like to shout out a big THANK YOU to all the Daddy's out there, especially my own and the father figures God has placed in my life. I appreciate and love you so much.

Have a wonderful day.

Hollywood: Why? Of The Day

2009-06-18T16:43:00.000-07:00

WHY is Taylor Swift so awesome?

Hollywood: Why? Of The Day

2009-06-17T11:57:00.000-07:00

Why is it taking SO LONG for July 15 to get here?

Kit Carson Tigers

2009-06-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

CM (the now-retired vice principal) left some of her Tigers in TB's (new VP) office. One of them is really creepy and MS was chasing me around the office with it. While I was on the phone, TB decided to put this creepy Baby Sleeping In A Tiger Costume thing on my monitor and when I turned around, it scared the bejeezus about of me.

Do YOU think its creepy?

2009-06-17T10:41:00.001-07:00

My Life: Defined is now mobile!

Well! I've gone and done it. The blog can now by updated in real time. Hooray! :)

Whenever you see two asterisks (**) before a message, you'll know that it was a mobile upload!

Thought Process

2009-06-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

To the person that littered a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup wrapper at the County Offices near the Tax Collector: Today I had the pleasure of watching a bird swoop in to try to eat the wrapper. When I yelled, "NO BIRDIE...YOU'LL DIE!!" (in front of people) the bird then picked up the wrapper and FLEW OFF WITH IT on to the roof. Where I am sure he picked at the Chocolatey Goodness that was left over and is now either 1) Suffering a horrible tummy-ache or 2) Is dead.
Good Job, Jerk.

Thought Process

2009-06-16T10:30:00.001-07:00

Why is there so much to do at work and yet so little time to do it?

I was just told to "lock the door to the office so that some creepy person doesn't come in and steal you away." Hmm.. the thought hadn't even crossed my mind that some creepy person might see that my car is the only one in the parking lot and would try to come in here and harm me. Thanks for that.

Hollywood: Why? Of The Day

2009-06-16T10:23:00.001-07:00

I'm not a huge fan of Sienna Millers work. I'm not a huge fan of any of her interviews, and frankly, I have no idea why she is on the July 2009 cover of Vogue.

Thought Process

2009-06-15T17:59:00.000-07:00

Michael has been super sick. I didn't know that he could be this cranky when sick. Now I do.

To the men that walk down my street with out a shirt: PUT A FLIPPEN SHIRT ON. k? THANKS.

Thought Process

2009-06-12T17:56:00.000-07:00

I'm drowning at work.

The picture in the frame in the living room is crooked.

Working out makes me sore and cranky, but makes me have a better self image. I am glad we decided to work out Monday-Thursday. It was such a nice treat to sleep in today!

Day of Birth

2009-06-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!

<3

Thought Process

2009-06-05T02:43:00.000-07:00

Lots of gardening needs to be done at the house... Maybe I should have a garden party... Not the type of party where you wear a pretty dress or suit and sip cocktails in the garden, but the type of party where I supply sustenance and people help me garden.. Yes. That sounds like a good idea.

I'm hungry.

I hate weeds.

Reflection

2009-05-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

Four years ago, I was seventeen years old; I was about to graduate high school. I remember that it was a warm day, but I was cuddled on the couch with my first love, Bryan. I have absolutely no recollection of what we were watching, because (usually) I have a really bad memory. But I remember this day because this was an important moment in my life. Around this day, the twenty-second of May, I asked Bryan to be my boyfriend. I told him that I was ready to give our relationship another shot. I wanted one more chance to give the relationship all that I had to give and to see where it went. Bryan accepted. He wanted another shot at us, too.

Roughly a month later, I was having a really hard time with life. I was living solely with my Dad, who was having major issues at the time. I didn't have a license, I was working full time at Mervyns to make ends meet, I had no relationship with my Mom. One sister was on the east coast, one sister was in southern California and my best friend had moved to Fresno. Oh, and my boyfriend lived three hours away. Most importantly, I had almost no relationship with God.

I was totally and completely alone. When I was younger, I had an ongoing fight with depression. Sometimes it consumed me. After graduation, I had no one, no hope and no faith. I was just a being. I fought hard to keep my head above water.

During this time, instead of going out and partying with the people that stayed in Hanford, I stayed home. I awoke every day that summer at 11:30. I had three Oreos and a glass of milk that I ate while watching the first 15 minutes of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' in whatever room that had a TV that my Dad was not passed out in. I took 15 minutes to shower, watched All My Children for an hour as I did my make-up and got dressed. At one, I did my hair. At one-fifteen, I would try to wake my Dad up. On the days that I succeeded, I drove him and myself to Mervyn's and told him to pick me up at eleven that night. If he didn't wake up, I took the truck and drove myself.

I would work from 2:00 to 11:00 every day. On the nights that I drove, I would cautiously drive myself home. On the nights that I told my dad to pick me up, 25% of the time he wouldn't show. One time, I walked home. Other times, I got a ride from a friend that would mercifully climb out of bed to come get me. Sometimes, I would get a ride from a friend at work. Once, I called my Mom. She dropped me off in tears. When he would be there, he would have already climbed out of the drivers’ seat into the passenger side; because he knew that I would not let him drive me.

I would go home, log on to the computer, surf the internet, listen to music and would be asleep by 2:00 every morning.

Amazing. To even type this. To even have lived that life. Fast forward four years and I am sitting in the cutest house ever, with my cat, Danny, curled up on my right side. I am sitting on my bed with a brand-new laptop that I am working as many hours as I can to pay off. I look up and I see my tiny flat screen TV that I bought with Christmas money. I see all the clothes that I have paid for. The furniture I have acquired. I know that outside the wall that I'm leaning against, my car, that I pay for every single month is sitting there, shining in the sun. I can bask in the fact that I don't have to return to my awesome accounting job for three days because of the Holiday on Monday. I know that I can walk into my backyard, play with my dog, and soak up the sun. I know that in 18 minutes, my best friend is going to be off work and on her way home so that we can hang out.

Not everything that I have done over the past four years has worked out. But just taking the time to remember what I've gone through, where I was, who I was and to appreciate where I am, who I have, what I have and who I am is like breathing fresh air. It’s like stepping out of your car after a long drive in the mountains and smelling the pine trees. Hearing the kids splashing in the lake. It’s like being transported into one of your favorite memories.

The past year of my life has passed so quickly, with so many changes. And now that it's starting to slow, God is pulling my heart to look back, to reflect, to remember. Even though some of it hurts, He is showing me that He delivered me. He answered all the prayers that I prayed. Maybe not in the way that I wanted or when I wanted but in the way that I needed and on His precious time.

God has created such a beautiful moment for me today.

I was dreading today. I was dreading it because both Bryan and I, a few months after we renewed our relationship, could NOT remember what day we did it on. So four years ago, I picked May 22. I picked the 22nd because 22 has always been my favorite number. And here it is. The 22 is today. Like I said, I was dreading it. I didn't want to remember all the 'good times' with Bryan. I didn't want to wonder what it would be like if we were still together today. I've prayed and asked God all week to be with me. To help it be a nice day to remember, not one that throws me off. I prayed and again, He was most faithful. He used today to remind me of His unending love. He reminded me that four years ago, I didn't have God in my life but I do now. He showed me the difference of living in this world without Him and living in this world in Him.

It is inspiring. His grace and His mercy astound me. Four years ago I was angry with God. Angry enough to turn away from him. Angry enough to scream and cry and doubt him. I was angry that my life had been such a train wreck. Everyone would say, "God knows the deepest desires of your heart and He is faithful." Then at the time, He knew that my deepest desire was to have my family back. To rewind and have a happy childhood filled with awesome memories and regular family problems. He knew how pained I was that I had missed out on my Mom and Dads best days, because once I arrived there were hardly any. He knew how I coveted my sisters’ memories of my Mom and Dad, happy and in love. I rarely got to see that. Both He and I remember how I would curse his name, how much I sinned, and still sin. And yet he cradles me and loves me like no one this earth ever can. He blesses me each and every day even though I don't deserve it.

What an awesome God.

Happy Birthday!

2009-05-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

It's really nice to have a low key week this week since last week was pretty busy. And the weekend was busy too.

Alison and family came to visit, which is always bittersweet. It's sweet while they are here, bitter when they leave. I wish they just lived here already so that we could hang out whenever we wanted. I'm keeping it in my prayers, but ultimately I want God's will to be done in their lives. If the best place for them to be is Chula Vista/San Diego then that is where they should be.

Anyway, we celebrated Brody's first birthday on May 2, which was really fun. Then my entire family (Dad and Delia, Mom and Larry) all managed to sit in the same church (IN THE SAME ROW) without too difficulty. It's always kind of awkward. I pray that that phase will end by the time I'm ready to be married, because right now, I'm leaning towards running away and eloping rather than having some weird awkward ceremony...Yuck.

Anyways, today isn't going to be a very long post, but I wanted to update you on a few things.

My boss is on vacation - pray for me. Every time she leaves people go crazy.
I've started writing a book...and so far I'm really happy with it. I blame Ryan....more on that later though.

I finally bought a memory card for my phone so I wanted to post a few pictures that I have been meaning to post for like... ever. So enjoy!

Today is Danny Boy's 4th Birthday... I couldn't resist posting a picture of him. :)

This is one of my favorite pictures of Brody that I had on my old Samsung phone.. Look at those eyes and that tongue! Sooo adorable.

Duey in a swing at a newer park in town... he was freakin out!

Sandi in a swing... Just chillin.

My Mom and I eating filhose (sp./ Portuguese Doughnuts) on fat Tuesday... we sent this picture to make Alison jealous. :)

My friend Scott wearing a bag on his head. We worked at Blue Sky Aviation together and sometimes he'd entertain me. He does things like that. (Obviously, this is an oldie, but goody. Scott lives in Texas and works in Louisiana now and I miss his dorky self. hehe)

Overcome...

2009-04-28T16:48:00.000-07:00

Its poor form to post a blog like I did and not follow up within a few days but I've been busy. Frankly, I just haven't had much heart to post anything about my personal life.

I have slept! Thank God, because I am so grumpy when I don't sleep. I left work early on Friday because I kept nodding off. Denise was getting her car worked on and I had to drive her back to her work, but right after that I went home and got in bed. I couldn't fall asleep. As soon as I did, my sister, Kari, called. It would be my luck, but she wanted to offer me some bath time in her awesome huge tub and I was appreciative of the gesture. I tried falling back asleep after that and couldn't. I finally got myself up and went to pick Denise up from work and take her back to the shop to get her car.

I've been asked why I haven't been able to sleep and I have no clue. I don't know if it was an overactive mind, or that fact that I got in a fight with a friend that I care very much about (over something very minimal but hormones played into it) and I hate to think that is what made me sleepless because that means I care way, way more than I previously thought I did... which is a good and bad thing.

Luckily, I kept myself very, very busy for the rest of the day on Friday and ended up sleeping solidly from 11:30pm to 10:30am. Yay! Grumpy Megan was out and Happy Megan was in!

I had a pretty chill weekend, hanging out with friends and what not. Church was very good and one of the ladies that helps with the Children's Ministry asked if I could be an adult supervisor for the next three weeks in the classroom, so I agreed. I have that to look forward to this weekend!

Unluckily, my car has been acting up and I'm not happy about it one bit. I'm trying to keep my patience with Skeeter but I found myself yelling at her a couple of times. (Her name is Margaret, but her nickname is Skeeter and she is a VW New Beetle.)

Now, back to comment about the lack of blogging about my personal life.

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be an outlet for me. I'm shy... and if you know me, like really know me, you are probably thinking, there is NO way she is shy. For those of you are thinking this I must remind you that yes, in fact I am shy, just not around you! :)

For those of you that don't know me and have met me in person, please don't take my awkwardness and silence as "I'm too good to talk with you." It's more of "I'm super shy and am scared to let you know my goofiness cause you might just think I'm a crazy person."

Everyone has their fears and mine is rejection. (I can't believe I wrote that.) So, I keep people at bay until I can trust that they won't run for the hills when they see that I am human, that parts of me are weak and parts are strong...and parts are downright nerdy. Some mistake this as me being stuck up, but I assure you that I am not. I like people. I like talking to people. I like meeting new people.. I just have a hard time with making the first move.

Anyway, in my last relationship I opened up quite a bit and I blogged about my feelings, thoughts, and fears. I tried to be as open and honest as I could and it kinda sorta blew up in my face.

Needless to say, I've been scared to write about my relationships with other people (male or female) because I don't want the same thing to happen.

Then, a bunch of people start commenting about how honest I am in my blog and they love it... What topped it off was that I logged in to Facebook and had a message from someone I was never close with in high school who said things that seriously made me tear up. Her support about my honestly really helped me to WANT to blog again and to be open in my blog.

After praying about it another day, I really feel like this blog is important for me in this time of my life. I feel called to write about my life and if it helps just ONE person to understand they are not alone, it is worth it.

The floodgates have been opened and I am BACK!

I hope that you will stay with me as I try to wade through the waters that is my life.

A Small Update

2009-04-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

This week has been relatively good until a few nights ago. At this point, in the past 48 hours I have slept 6 hours. I have a terrible headache and I'm praying that it doesn't progress into a migraine.

I would appreciate any prayers you send my way. I'll be blogging lots more this weekend.

Thank the Lord that today is oatmeal day at school, its so comforting to me.

As I Wait...

2009-04-20T14:54:00.001-07:00

for Denise to get home from work so that we can go swimming/tanning at my Mom's house, I think about my life.

So quickly things have started moving so fast. It's been a pretty wild ride lately. But, for the first time in a LONG time, I actually feel as though I am moving in the right direction. I know the path that is set before me will change with decisions I make, but I am counting on the Lord to see me through and relying on Him to counsel me on those forks in the road.

I have a couple of projects that I am wanting to start and I am hoping that they work out. I've been trying to get in touch with a few people about them. I just have to be patient, which isn't exactly a strong suit. Well, not all the time. In most situations I am uber patient. Others, not so much... which is typical among women.

If you don't mind, I ask that you keep me in your prayers as I do some transitioning and start these new projects.. I would very much appreciate it.

Also, if there is anything in your life you need prayer for, please email me at MLFarpella@GMail.com or post a comment. Or if you'd like to grab coffee to talk, let me know. I'd like a distraction from my "issues." :)

In His Grace,

Megan

American Idol: Adam Lambert

2009-04-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

For those of you that enjoy Adam Lambert, I'd like you to see how he spends some of his free time.A PERFECT choice for American Idol!

Miss USA 2009

2009-04-20T14:30:00.000-07:00

The Miss USA pageant aired last night and although I didn't watch it, I did hear about the Miss California controversy.

Here is a YouTube video of Perez Hilton's question and her answer.

A more appropriate answer for this question probably would have been, "Perez, this is a very controversial topic in today's society. I think the best thing about America is that each state has the right to chose what laws they have about same-sex marriages. I believe that we need to be tolerant of the states that pass same-sex marriage and we also need to respect the states that haven't voted it in."

Don't get me wrong, I am very proud that this young woman stated her feelings against gay marriage, but I think that as Miss USA, she needs to be a figure of unity.

Now, the reason I bring this up at all is that the media, Perez Hilton and every gay person out there is attacking Carrie Prejean (Miss California) for her belief system.

This is unwarranted and unjust. We say that we respect all opinions, yet when voiced they are attacked.

In recent elections, the majority California voters passed Proposition 8 which Eliminates the Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry. Somehow, this vote has been appealed and is now going through the court system. What I can't believe is that 7,001,084 of the most liberal state there is voted YES on Prop 8 and it is still being challenged as though all of the US citizens that voted yes are somehow incompetent at voting.

I'm getting discouraged with the fact that most people that are against same sex marriage are not against homosexuals and they are not homophobes. Each state has the right to vote in favor or against legalizing same sex marriage. If its for, then fine. If it's against, then fine. Majority rules in this Country...

Well, except in picking the President.

The Other Side of The Road

2009-04-16T09:56:00.000-07:00

For those of you that have been following the beginning, middle and end of my last relationship, you can see his side of it here.

I would like you all to read it and if you'd like, let me know your thoughts on it. I'm interested to see what you think of his "explanations."

Rants and...More Rants!

2009-04-07T18:45:00.000-07:00

A lot is happening at such a fast pace.

I've wanted to write every night since last week, but I just haven't had the time or the energy. A few nights after my last post, my Mom called me. She told me that she had read it and that it had made her cry. She had been at work at the time. She couldn't believe what I had written. How fooled we all were.

I've been asked if I have heard from Michael at all. I haven't.

The part of my life that I have been really enjoying is being involved in the Young Republicans of Kings County organization. I've been helping the group with putting together the fund-raising letter and the fliers for an event we are hosting. Danny Gilmore is coming to Mary Queen Immaculate school in Lemoore on April 18 at 3 to talk to all who are interested about the water issues that the west valley is facing.

I'm so happy to be involved with a group of people that share the conservative values that I have. As time progresses our culture is sinking into quicksand. Our country is swimming in debt that even my great grandchildren will deal with. The government is out of control. Our people are swimming in their own debt, maybe because of the horrid example of a government we have. There are basically no family values anymore. Most parents don't give a crap about their childrens' education, development and health. It really breaks my heart.

I'm afraid that I feel that private industry can do pretty much anything better than the government. They are so inefficient. I also feel that we need to return to the roots of this country. When did we lose the ideal that our politicians are our employees? We VOTE them into office. WE give them their job. Yet they vote for their own raises? They are in office for years without any accomplishment and then can retire of 100% salary when there are state employees, like myself, that don't even have benefits? Its ludicrous. Honestly, it is.

Now, this week, two states - Iowa and Vermont - have voting to legalize gay marriage. Washington, DC has voted to acknowledge same-sex marriage performed in other states. This is so confusing and so disappointing for me.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate anyone. I have nothing against people that chose to live a life that involves a partnership with person of the same sex. I love them just the same as I love anyone else. I don't judge them. However, I do believe that it is a choice. I do believe that it is a sin. It is just as bad as any other sin. I'm no better than a homosexual just because instead of being in a relationship with a girl, I lie, cuss and have other temptations.

I think we all forget that each any every one of us has a purpose. God created Man and Woman. And even if you don't believe in God, we can all agree that there is only two sexes. Male and Female. There are many ways to tell the difference. When I explain this I like to use something that is basic and that we use all the time. Electricity. Please tell me when you have plugged in a female plug into another female plug and got any type of reaction. How about a male plug with another male plug? I have absentmindedly actually tried to plug to female parts together while doing Christmas trees. Guess what? Nothing happened. There was no purpose to do that. They were not made for each other. This is the same with same-sex marriages. A man was designed for a female. A female was designed for a male. And I mean this on more than just a reproductive level.

Obviously, I'm not for gay marriage. However, I do believe that if you have committed yourself to someone else you can opt to have a union that recognizes your commitment. That will be accepted by insurance companies. I can't tell someone that they can't commit themselves to another person and not be able to take care of them with insurance and other 'married' things. But I do believe we need to keep the two things separate. And unfortunately

Anyways, let me step off my soapbox. It saddens me where we are going. It saddens me that the family unit has been completely torn apart. It upsets me that people make excuses for absolutely everything. And honestly, I include myself in that.

More updates to come. I'm over at Kari and Adam's and we'll be watching American Idol for the next hour.

YAY!

A Happy Sunday...

2009-04-05T18:06:00.000-07:00

Last night Denise, Mike and I went to the Laton Rodeo. It was so fun. Denise and I danced while Michael hung out with his friends. I really need to go dancing more often.

Today, I woke up early to go to church. It was 9:40 in the morning and Denise decides to wake up and wash her face right as I'm leaning over to put my eyeliner on. And a snip and her and say, "You know Denise? I have to leave soon and you decide to pick right NOW to get up and wash your face? Bad timing!" And she gives me this look like, I'm crazy. She says, "Megan, its like 9:30, we don't have to leave until 10:15. And I say, "No, I want to leave at ten because I want to get coffee. Wait, We? Are you going to church?" and shes like, "Uhh, YEAH. Why else would I be up right now?" I was like, "Oh. Okay. AWESOME!" I felt bad for a minute for that, haha. Usually she tells me when we're going to go.

My Mom bought me a new Bible, a really awesome King James Version that is a Woman's Study Bible. I was SO stoked! And she got my name inscribed in the cover. It says "Megan Lauriana" all pretty like. I love it. So church was especially awesome because I could actually follow along with Pastor Kenny. After church we rushed home so that I could bake some cornbread for a church homegroup that I was invited to. Denise came with me and it ended up being a really great experience. One that I am really excited for.

In even BETTER news, Denise is really finding her own way back to the Lord. You can read about it here. I'm so happy about it.

My life is starting to move so fast and I really feel that some life changing events are coming, which is really exciting!

I'm Mad and I'm Heartbroken

2009-04-03T14:23:00.000-07:00

In 2001 this man decided to create a website.

Do you recognize him? This gentleman's name is Noel Biderman. Ring any bells? No? Okay, this man is the person who is responsible for unleashing a marketing blitz that contained this on a billboard in LA:

And this one in New York:

This man, Noel Biderman, created a haven for men and woman to pay a fee, log on, and find a person to have an affair with that would give them complete discretion.

What is WORSE than this "man" starting this website? TWO AND A HALF MILLION people have joined this website.

How sick and how sad. Mr. Biderman has facilitated the act of deceit in a marriage. He has created a place where people can come guilt free to have an affair. What destruction. I'm sure that his website has helped the fall of many marriages and families. This man has helped cause pain and suffering in peoples lives.

But he can't be solely to blame. He may have created this website, but he created it because he saw that there was a market for it. He saw how many people have affairs, how many people want to. He knew that he could become a rich man because of the market for adultery.

This is what makes me angry. It makes me angry that people are so selfish and consumed with sexual temptation that they will cheat on someone else. Why not just leave? Why do complete damage? Why tear your wife/husband to shreds because you can't keep the buttons on your pants closed? To think of all the children that are affected by this. The trust issues that it leaves on your partner and your children.

It seriously breaks my heart.

Strengthening Me

2009-04-01T07:22:00.001-07:00

I had made a personal promise to not mention Michael in my blog again. I really didn't think that there was any reason to continue writing about him.

Last night he gave me a reason.

Michael told me that the entire time we were dating, he would get high and talk to me. And that I was an idiot because I couldn't tell. He said that I was close-minded because I've never gotten high, and basically said I was a idiot because I didn't get drunk. He also said that I was a robot with pre-programmed mindsets.

I was so hurt. Devastated. And that is not even 1/3 of our conversation. As soon as he told me that the whole time he had been deceiving me I started crying. How hurtful. While I was here in Hanford, trusting him, he was screwing around behind my back. That burns. I wish that I could say, "Well it doesn't matter, because the whole time that we were dating I was (lying, cheating, w/e)." Just because I want to hurt him, but I can't. The fact is, is that the entire time I was trying to "lay a good foundation without cracks so that our relationship might have a future." That was my thought process.

The worst part of it all is probably that he doesn't feel any stitch of remorse. Because he can't understand why I don't get high or won't date someone who gets high, he discounted my feelings because they were illogical to him. Nevertheless that they were logical and meant something to me. Who cares about that. If it doesn't make sense to him, he'll brush it off and say what he needs to appease whoever he is dealing with.

Denise and her sister Danette came home and I was in my room sobbing. After they managed to calm me down, I told them what happened. What was said as best as I could remember it. Denise's first spoken words were, "I can't believe how much Michael has turned out to be an ass."

It saddens me because I feel that he is so jaded. How can any human being feel that deceiving someone the whole of their relationship is not worse than a person leaving their significant other when a situation goes bad?

He even had the gall to say that my taking Maxalt, for my migraines, is worse than what he does. That, right there, told me that this dude has some major issues. If anything my migraines are more like getting high than anything else. When they get really bad I'm lethargic and I hallucinate. Besides the pain, because I hear you can't feel any with drugs, they are probably a lot like shooting up. When I take the Maxalt, it remedies that. The medication puts me slowly but surely back together so that I can think, feel. It heals something as best as it can for the time being.

While I was talking to Big D and Lil D, I told them that I don't feel like I'm close minded. I don't shun anyone away if they do drugs. I don't judge them. I know and have hung out with people that get high. I watch movies that have characters that get high. It doesn't affect me. It's just not my choice, not the way I live my life. Danette said that its ridiculous that he would say I was close minded. She said, "You don't have to stick a needle in your arm to know that you don't want to do heroin. You don't have to hang out with or date someone who is addicted to crack to know that you don't want to be around it."

I HAVE dated someone who would get high, even occasionally. It became a highly volatile relationship. I already have a relationship with someone that cannot get their life together because of alcohol, I don't want another one. I know that I don't want that in my life, more than ever because of this past relationship.

Somehow, at the end of the conversation I honestly felt that I was a bad person because I didn't choose to do bad things. It's like, I've done and experienced EVERYTHING. I've put myself in bad situations, I've gotten drunk with people I shouldn't have, I've been immoral and ugly to people, I've ruined other peoples relationships for my own entertainment. The one thing that I knew from the get-go that I didn't even want to try was drugs. Other than that, I've done just about everything else that I could that was rebellious. And now? I know what I want.

I want to continue my quest to get closer to God. I want to get involved in the community and in my church. I want to try to make the right decisions, the ones that honor God. I don't want to live for me anymore. I want to have a purpose. I want to change the world, but I know that even if I don't and I only help one person, that will be enough for me to keep going.

Last night I was attacked for my values, my feelings and my beliefs. I have a feeling that it won't be the last time. But next time, I feel that I'll be a bit more prepared to handle the situation. I think what really threw me was that this person was supposed to care for me at one point. He told me that he loved who and how I was. Obviously, that wasn't the case. But it's not the end of the world either.

Life goes on. I will live my life and continue to try to make the right decisions at every turn - regardless of any persecution for my "closemindedness."

Moving on from that, today is a beautiful day. And I intend on enjoying every single moment that I can of it.

A Life Worth Living

2009-03-28T19:42:00.000-07:00

I'm a horrible person.

I have been neglecting my blog, when there is so much to write about!

My trip to the coast was exactly what I needed. Unfortunately, when I returned I got some bad news, was scared half to death at 1 am which made me have horrible dreams. I woke up Monday morning with a huge migraine. My second this month. :( It was really, really bad. Those who get migraines will know how bad it was when I say that it was a 'throwing up' migraine. My Dad ended up stopping by to make sure I was okay.

While we are on the subject of my Dad, please keep him in your prayers. He is such a good man, with a good heart. I pray that what is going on right now will get him on the right path. I don't want to lose my Dad. All of your prayers are appreciated.
Mike B. and I have continued to hang out. He is SUCH a goofball. It totally makes me laugh.

There is no news on the Michael front. I'm over it, he's over it. It was a big mistake. A relationship that was based on a lot of deceit. I'm glad it ended before I really got hurt. Adam (my brother-in-law) was right. "If he doesn't call, you have just avoided a huge disaster." And that is exactly what it was. Michael is a good person and he gave me some good memories. I hope that in time we can be good friends. :)

Lately, I've been trying to cork my shyness and put it on the shelf. I've made it a point to be more bold with people I don't know. I've also been getting involved in the Young Republicans of Kings County club.

I am really, truly excited for this club. I really believe that America needs to come back to the conservative side. The club has a good crop of people that I think can make a difference. We want to grow to be a voice in this state. And even beyond this state. It is high time people got involved. I'm so thankful to be a part of it and that the skills I have will help out. We have a lot of events coming up and I really want to immerse myself in it.

Another task I have been working on is decorating my house. I've been trying to get the house completely ready by Easter. I want everything to have a place and everything to be in that place. I love my little home. I can't wait to have some barbeque's here and to celebrate birthdays. Maybe I'm going a little Under the Tuscan Sun here, but I want a house that people like to come to. That is homey and a sanctuary. I am dedicated to making this house as full of love and peace as possible.

The next thing on my list is to get involved in a ministry at church. I've been praying about it a lot. I'm not sure where I should serve. But I do know that I need to get into whatever it is that I'm going to get in to.

Speaking of which, tonight will be an early night because tomorrow I have church. I haven't gone the past two weeks and I am missing it! Luckily, Oasis posts Pastor Kenny's sermons online, so I was able to catch up at work!

Well, that is all for now. I have more stuff to jot on here, but I'm off to dinner. I'm starving and these Robins Eggs are NOT cutting it.

Sometimes You Just Have

2009-03-21T15:24:00.000-07:00

to get away.

Sometimes there is nothing left to do except remove yourself from a situation to get the whole picture.

I guess that for the past few weeks stress has been building up, and I finally need a break. I've exceeded my tolerance level. I know everyone gets to that breaking point and I believe what you do when you reach it defines a part of you.
Some people drink, get migraines, yell, scream, throw things, cuss, cry, run, hide and even turn to sex. Some people talk to friends, write in journals or blogs, talk to pastors, pray, or even speak with psychiatrists. Obviously ways of dealing with stress and anger can be healthy or unhealthy. I'm not sure which one my relief would be under.

Most of the time when stress builds I either have a pampering day, I write on here or I talk to my friends and I pray. A lot of the time I get migraines... but sometimes I just leave. I get to a point that I have to get away. have a change of scenery. Breathe. To think and reflect and decide which way to go... what path to take.

Today is one of those days. I'm so confused that I need to get away to breathe fresh air. To relax and unwind. I'm upset and hurt and frustrated.

So many times i've heard that the nice guy finishes last. I feel like that guy (well, girl) and it makes me so mad.

I try really hard on a daily basis to make good decisions, to go out of my way for people, to be nice and let my actions prove that i'm a good person. But people mistake my shy personality for something more haugty and unapproachable. They think my way of living is unrealistic and judgmental. They mistake my generosity something ugly. They twist my words to use them against me. it makes me want to give up.

Now, don't get me wrong. I mess up. I have bad moods and I make sarcastic remarks that can hurt someone who doesn't understand my humor. I can be defensive when I feel attacked even when I'm not.

Even though I try to be complacent and helpful I always seem to get walked all over. Maybe that spine I was once known for has withered. Maybe I don't have the drive to fight anymore. Maybe is a season of my life that will pass. I honestly can't say.

I just need to breathe. to drive away from it all for 24 hours and reflect and revive. i'm only twenty minutes away and i'm already feeling better.

Life is Not a Fantasy...

2009-03-16T21:58:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy lately, it's pretty incredible. My sister, Kari complained because I haven't been blogging.

I'll start by saying that one week and one day after the whole 'incident' with Michael happened, we talked on the phone. That entire week, we'd been at odds. I was upset because he didn't have the decency to call me, I was angry because everyone promised he would realize his mistake and he'd call me and he didn't. I was confused and felt like all those times he said that I meant so much to him and that I was exactly the kind of girl he wanted was a lie. First of all, I don't think you should treat people that "mean a lot to you" like that. Second, obviously I didn't mean much to him, because he didn't call. And third... The kind of girl he wanted? Why would he want a girl like me, if I'm the kind of girl that doesn't condone things like drugs? What is the point of wanting a "good girl" if you are only going to shove all the things that make her good in her face? Why want a good girl when you want to make bad decisions? (Maybe he thought I was the 'good girl' that wanted a 'bad boy'. I'm not. I want a good boy to be my partner, to have fun with and also care for and be cared for... pretty simple, or at least, I think it is.)

The whole week after his birthday, we were making pretty bitter remarks to each other. That Sunday, we talked. And not much came from it except that we're not angry with each other... I told him why I was upset and he told me why he was. Then he says something to the effect of, "I'm so confused. I don't know what you would act like in the future. I mean, how am I supposed to take you to Vegas? What if things got out of hand, would you leave again?"

Those comments nearly knocked my breath out. It's like... how insensitive. If it was the other way around and I was inviting him some where like Vegas, or really, anywhere, I would make sure that we had fun, but that I was aware of his comfort level. It's just like having a guest stay at your house. You try to be accommodating. I was really nervous and excited for Vegas. I wanted to have a good time, but having a good time does not equal bending on my morals. Just because I am in a different zip code doesn't mean I'll behave any differently than if I was in good ol' Hanford, where my parents know about everything I do within minutes of my doing it.

What it came down to was that Michael is two different people trapped in one body. Hanford Michael and I got along really well. Going out to dinner or a bar, drinking a few beers, playing pool, hanging with friends or family... Always fun. Then there is Isla Vista Michael. Megan and Isla Vista Michael don't get along so much. IV Michael is a bit more liberal in the choices he makes. He knows what he does there won't be reported to his parents or get back to his aunts. So, if I may say so, he let's it all hang out.

Which is fine. Honestly, I wasn't naive to the IV way of life. I know what happens there. I've heard and seen what happens there. It was fine with me. The parties, the drinking, although not my favorite, were there. Michael really did slow down. And he probably did a lot of it because of me, because of our long distance relationship. Everything would have been fine, I think, if he had chosen to decline the drugs. Everything else I can tolerate, except drugs. Which, I guess was something he didn't want to compromise on.

Moving on from that, I've been having a whole lot of fun lately! I've actually felt like I'm not a prude, 35 year old woman, but a 21-25ish person. I've been staying out later. Going out with friends. Having a few drinks with dinner. Getting all cute and dressed up and going out instead of staying in with a good movie or book and lots of sleep. (I do miss the sleep, though.)

One of the people that I have been hanging out with is Mike B. Which can be and is dangerous. He is such a honest, straight up good guy that it would be really easy to fall for him. Every time we hang out, he opens the door for me. It doesn't matter that we're just friends, he opens the door for me, without fail. He is hilarious and brings out the younger, goofy side of me. He's extremely thoughtful. He truly is a catch. Hands down. I love spending time with him.

This Saturday we went to Fresno to have dinner with his Uncle, (who has an amazing house) and we went to Edwards to see Watchmen. We both liked the movie. However, we were both pretty unprepared for the graphic love scene... Where we both covered each others eyes. So there we were in a packed theater covering our eyes during the sex scene.. I bet everyone thought we were crazy.

I've also been hanging out with Jon, who is an old friend of mine from Woodrow. He's had a rough life and is totally the opposite of me in every way, but is still amazing. He is a tattoo artist who is big and burly, and is covered with tattoos. So are all of his friends. And then I walk in with him in my normal Megan clothes (which are all modest, because heck, I work at a school. And I'm not going to buy two sets of clothes, one for work and one for my nightlife. Well..because I don't HAVE a nightlife.) I do not fit in with his friends. At. All. Jon compared it to a rose next to brass knuckles. Which in his world makes sense.

Somehow, this leads me to two people I have been really worried about. Katie and my Dad. My Dad has been having a really hard time lately. I've been having horrible dreams about him. It is like he is giving up. I've been praying so much for him. I miss him like crazy. I wish so bad that I could make a difference in his life. I wish there was something I could do to save him. I just feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff and watching him fall. It is so hard to be the daughter of a Binge-Drinker Alcoholic. I have my Dad part of the time.. but then he's gone. And I just wait for his call. It's been over a week since I've talked to him. In February, I didn't talk to him for three weeks. He drank for three weeks straight. When I saw him, it broke my heart. It breaks my heart every day.

It's really hard for me to admit but I don't think he'll be alive when I get married. I have this awful feeling that he is not going to be around to walk me down the aisle. To give me away to make the biggest commitment of my life. He won't be there to see me get all big and pregnant, or to hold his grandson or granddaughter. I'll miss all of those memories because with every drink he takes, he is killing himself. I'm jealous because Alison and Kari will have some of those memories, when I just don't think I will. I can feel it. He's given up on God. He has no hope to change. He sees no reason to go to AA because everyone there falls. He doesn't see that they fall, but get right back up and try to continue their sobriety. It's all excuses. My Dad is giving in to the alcohol... And then people wonder why I don't drink a lot or get drunk. It's amazing.

I worry about Katie because she is going through a lot of things right now with her husband, Zac. She talks to me and tells me what I'm sure is only part of what is really going on. It is not too big of a secret that Zac and I don't get along. I don't like the way he treats Katie. I think that they went really fast and were/are really young... Now they are going through some of the consequences. I just hate that Katie is hurting. A part of me wants to tell her to run far away from him but another part of me wants me to tell her that she made a commitment and she needs to work it out. Mostly, I stay quiet. I don't want to say something that will upset our friendship and have her push me out of her life... I know she's going to need me to support her.

On a happier note, I've spent more time with Kari lately. Which is always awesome... but it always makes me miss Alison. Both girls are doing very well and both are busy with their families, jobs, church activities, etc.

Denise and Brian are going strong and I couldn't be happier! I've wanted to see something flourish between them for a long time.. and now that it has, it seems to be a really great thing. I'm so excited for them!

On the relationship front for me, I'm not looking. I'm going to just stay where I am for a while... Make sure that I get over Michael completely and continue to work on myself and my relationship with God. I've been going to church every Sunday and have been trying to read my Bible a few times a week. It's hard to get in the habit but well worth it.

I'm hoping to update more this week.. so stay tuned!

Picture This Thursday

2009-03-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

This is us in front of the limo that took us to the wineries for Michael's 23rd Birthday.
(Picture snapped at Foley Winery in Lompoc, CA.)

Another Day... Another Dollar

2009-03-04T20:44:00.001-08:00

Let me start out by saying that I had a pretty good day today.

First, my Dad stopped by this morning to give me some paperwork and it was good seeing him, even if I was wearing the Sigma Pi-neapple Express t-shirt that Michael got me. Which brings me to my second...

I spoke with Michael today. I had dreams about him all night. I. Miss. Him. More than yesterday. It seems every day I miss him more. Michael has had a really bad week. A good friend of his took his life and that has jolted him and their group of friends. I wish that I could be more.. there..for Michael right now. I want to hug him and try to make him feel better. I wish I could hold his hand or kiss him. This is way harder than I ever thought it would be. I thought I was guarding my heart after Bryan... but at some point and I don't know when, I started to raise that gate that separated Michael and my heart...

Well, the third thing I had to write about was work. I was on fire today. In order to take my mind off of my second on this list, I have thoroughly thrown myself into work. I got so much done. I started projects and actually finished them. It's really nice to have that finality at work, because I'm feeling so undone in most other areas.

Right before I was leaving for the day my friend Michael B. (who I will call Mike, to make it less confusing) text messaged me and basically ordered me to go run errands with him. So I did. I wasn't planning on announcing that Michael and I were no longer together, but I showed him the picture of my Mom and I eating Filhose (Portuguese Doughnuts) on Fat Tuesday and asked if he had had any. He grabbed my phone and this was the following conversation.

Mike: "Oh my gosh. Who is this girl? Is she single??"
Me: "Which one?"
Mike: "Which one? (pause...) Is one of them single?"
Me: "Uhh... (pause, trying to decide what to say).. yes."
Mike: "Oh. (shocked face) Your Mom and Larry got a divorce?" (jokingly)
Me: "Yeah...cause all of a sudden we've entered the twilight zone."
Mike: "What happened?"
Me: (Tells story) "Please don't tell anyone. It kind of sunk my self-esteem."
Mike: (looks at me like I'm an idiot) He ditched you to lock himself in an apartment? He DITCHED you? Wow. He's insane. Any guy that would do that to YOU is insane."

We dropped it after that. His reaction kind of confused me. I didn't quite understand why he emphasized the YOU in that last sentence. Anyways, I had also mentioned to him that I was dieting because I wanted to lose a good twenty pounds and he immediately freaked out. So he took me straight to Mickey D's where he ordered two ice cream cones. We sat in the parking lot, talked and ate. I'm not too mad at myself though because I pushed a good part of the top off into a bag so I ate less ice cream. I was pretty proud.

When he dropped me off, I helped Denise unload the rest of the dishes and we went off to Bath and Body Works to use a gift card we each had. I walked away with a Warm Vanilla Sugar Wallflower Plug In so my room, as I type, smells like, well, me! I also bought a new body cream called Moonlight Path. It's going to be really good to use right before bed. And the best part: We each received a free zebra print tote with purchase! It was awesome! I got a teal and white one, Denise got one that was black and white. We're going to use them to grocery shop.

Saving our world one plastic bag at a time. :)

Moving On...

2009-03-03T19:47:00.000-08:00

It is always hard after a break up. I was just telling Alison today that I've been doing well, but that since a large part of my day is gone, I am feeling a huge void.

If that wasn't bad enough, I've been having some self esteem issues because of this. If Michael hadn't chosen to do what he did in the apartment, we wouldn't be here. But, that is what he chose, and it was his right. I can't change it.

I also can't help but wonder why I wasn't enough for him to decide to not smoke. The one thing that he knew I couldn't stand, he did anyways. I wasn't mad at him for getting impossibly drunk. I wouldn't have even been mad if he had passed out from his drinking. But what he did in the apartment was enough for me to walk away without hesitation. He knew that about me. I never made it a secret...but he chose to do it. I guess that is the thing that hurts the most.

Back to the void, I've been trying to fill it with good things. I've been working out, bring work home with me, staying a bit more focused at work (well, most of the time) and doing things around the house. It also has required a LOT of music, which is never a bad thing. :)

Every day is getting easier. I'm pretty blessed to have the family and friends that I do. They always seem to rally around me at the best times. I love them very, very much.

Oh! Denise just reminded me that Prina is coming down for the weekend, so now I really have something to look forward too. I think us girls are going to go out dancing. A proven way to get over a broken heart? GIRL TIME!

Yay!

It's Confirmed...

2009-03-02T14:38:00.000-08:00

Michael and I have called it quits.

I was pretty sad yesterday. I finally broke down right before dinner with Mom, Larry and Denise and Me N Ed's, which of course, my mom noticed immediately. When Dee and I got home, I spoke with Michael over the internet and we finalized everything.

It's really disappointing when a relationship that you had pretty high hopes for disintegrates. When Michael and I first started talking, it was amazing. We'd stay up until all hours of the night, whether it was online, on the phone, once at Monroe and once at Kings River. It was very easy, never forced.

I was always pretty amazed that he was interested. I'm an old fashioned good girl and he is more mainstream. When he would tell me that he was getting tired of the 'party life' and wanted to grow up, I believed him. He seemed pretty old fashioned himself... Oh well. For now, I'm too jaded to even try to figure out what was real in the relationship and what wasn't.

All day today I tried hard to not think about him or our relationship, because every time I do my heart starts fluttering and I get this sad pain in my chest. I'm really bummed but I have to be honest, I hate feeling this way, knowing that on his end, he's fine. I wish I could just shrug it off and not let it affect me, but it's hard.

On a lighter note, I got a lot done at work today. Kim was having a huge issue with Excel for most of the morning and she finally asked me for help. She showed me that every time she tried to collapse the subtotals on her salary schedule she would lose three lines of employees. After tweaking with it for a good five minutes and trying to figure out the problem, I told her to go throw each cell in the line so I could look at the codes. BEHOLD! There was a incorrect code in the cell which was causing it to collapse. She was pretty impressed. She was also pretty bummed that she had spent the whole morning on this problem and it ended up being solved in seven minutes by me. But it boosted my ego a bit and left me feeling good.

Right now, I'm hearing Vanity Fair playing in Denise's room. The poor girl is sick. She is also drugged up, which means I'm going to have to find my camera so I can video her craziness. It's always good for a laugh after she's done being sick. :)

Well, I'm off to work on Latchkey. I brought some invoices home with me and I plan on popping in a movie and watching as I work.

A Dreary Day in Hanfordtown

2009-03-01T11:41:00.000-08:00

I've stared at this screen for a good ten minutes and I still don't know how to begin.

I'm so ~~sad~~ indescribable right now.

This weekend was not at all as I hoped it would be. Without going into too much detail, Denise and I ended up leaving Santa Barbara last night, instead of the planned 3:00pm today.

I have no clue what I am going to do. I'm hurt, frustrated, sad, angry...and most of all I feel completely disrespected. There are so many things running through my mind right now, I can't think straight.

All I know, is that I already have a relationship that is defined by alcohol. I have already had a relationship that was torn apart from disrespect, lack of caring and bad choices.

I don't want another relationship to be that way. So far, it seems like the decisions we make as a couple are completely disregarded when he feels it should be so. It seems that instead of honoring our relationship and the compromising that we have done, it's easier to completely dismiss it and go along with the majority. If it's an attempt to seem more manly, to save face or to seem unaffected by the 'woman' in his life, I couldn't tell you.

I didn't sign up for this. I don't want this type of relationship. I'm looking for something more meaningful, something more real and honest. I'm looking for something fun yet still mature. I want someone to be my partner, my teammate, my best friend.

As of right now, I don't feel like a have a partner or teammate. I feel alone.

Must...Pack...for... Santa...Barbara. =)

2009-02-26T21:44:00.000-08:00

There are many, many things I should be doing right now...

Packing for tomorrow's trip, cleaning the house, giving Duey a bath, unloading boxes.

What am I doing?

Watching Thirteen Going on 30.

"I need a glass of water and a fluffy pillow!"

I realized that I haven't posted on my blog for a few days, so I thought I would update it. I've been trying to work out like crazy, get ready for my trip to Santa Barbara tomorrow and also do all of the household things.

I've secured someone to mow the lawn this weekend, thank the Lord. That takes quite a load off of me.

It really makes me realize how hard it is to take care of a house. And the fact that I'm the one worrying about a lot of it. It makes me understand and appreciate the role of a man and a woman. I get why a woman says that they 'need a man around the house' and why a man needs a woman to have a home. There are definitely different elements brought to the table by the two sexes.

Well, I should stop procrastinating. Off to pack!

ps. I get to see my boo tomorrow... yay!

Work Out Plan: Week 1, Day 6

2009-02-23T22:16:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: Just so you know, I fully intend on tooting my own horn in this blog.

I have been trying to hard to work out every day! I've been doing very good on it.

Last week, I did a mile every day. Today, I pushed myself to do a mile and a half. Next week I want to do two miles every day.

If it is possible, I can already see the difference in my body. Things are starting to change.

Things I need to work on this week:

1/ Drinking more water.
2/ Doing more reps of crunches, lunges, squats
3/ Watching my calorie intake.

Wish me luck!

Work Out Plan: Week 1, Day 1

2009-02-18T22:26:00.000-08:00

Today was a pretty rough day. But I came home and worked out, which made me feel really good.

Denise and I took our weight and measurements today...We also took our before photos (never got around to it yesterday.) Okay, so you know that I'm shy, really shy, around people I don't know. So, it's quite a..something.. that I'm going to post a picture on March 31 showing myself in just a bikini.

I nervous about it. I think that it will be a great way to keep myself accountable. Our first status check is on March 10. We'll be weighing and measuring ourselves to see the difference and the grand finale is on March 31.

Of course, in order to get Denise to participate, it has to be a competition. So every day we are having water contests to see who can drink more bottles than the other one. Tomorrow, our goal is five bottles of water. Whoever drinks them first has to call the other one to let them know. The honor system is fully enforced.

Then, at the end of our six week weight loss competition, the loser has to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for the winner for one entire day. Like a Saturday or Sunday.

What was surprising when we weighed ourselves is that I actually weighed less than what I thought I weighed. And that was at like 3:45 this afternoon, after working out and drinking a ton of water. So, I'm pretty stoked about that.

I'll try my best to keep you updated on the weight loss part of my life. During this six week period, I'll be trying to lose 11 pounds. After that, I'll be trying to lose another 8 pounds, which would be the lowest I have been since 8th grade. I'm pretty excited to see the changes in my body!

Invention Of The Month

2009-02-17T17:18:00.000-08:00

The Electric Jar Opener has been chosen for the Invention of the Month for February.

Why you ask?

Let me tell you: When you hurt your wrist on your dominate hand, and you decide one day to make a PB&J sandwich for lunch, and you end up screaming in pain because twisting the cap off with your bad wrist hurt so badly and your right hand is good for nothing, you wish you had an electric jar opener.

That's why!

Work Out Plan: Week 1

2009-02-17T17:13:00.000-08:00

I started my new work out plan this evening.

I'm going to be taking my before picture today and March 31st I'll be posting my before and after picture so you guys can see the difference!

Hopefully that will help me be accountable. March 31st, rain or shine, I'll have to post the pictures, so I'm going to have to work hard not to slack off!

Wish me luck!

M

Movie Review: He's Just Not That Into You

2009-02-16T21:35:00.000-08:00

Rated: PG-13
Director: Ken Kwapis (License to Wed, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants)
Actors: Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johanssan, Justin Long, Jennifer Connelly, Bradley Cooper, Drew Barrymore, Ginnifer Goodwin
You can read a synopsis of HJNTIY here.

He's Just Not That Into You was a pretty good movie. Ginnifer Goodwin's character was well acted, although I thought that her personality was way over dramatized, she did an excellent job in the role. Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck played a unmarried couple that had been together for seven years. She wanted to get married and he doesn't believe in marriage. I thought that this was one of the best story lines, in that it highlighted a few other marriages in the movie that were not how they should be. I really liked how their storyline played out. Jennifer Connelly, Bradley Cooper and Scarlett Johanssan's storyline was acted very well. Cooper is a great actor, Jennifer Connelly as well, but I didn't really believe Scarlett Johanssan's role. But all in all, it was a good movie that was entertaining.

A Weekend Update

2009-02-16T20:40:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of my three day weekend, and I'm both happy and sad to go back to work. I'll be working a lot over the next couple of days, to make some extra money.

Right now, I'm watching Chuck and Denise is making me dinner. (Actually, I stopped blogging to eat it while it was hot.) So now, I'm fed and happy.

This weekend went really well. Michael and I got to spend some quality time together and it was definitely needed. On Friday, we went to The Cellar Door with Denise, Brian and his co-worker, Leigh. Then we went to Visalia Brewing Company where Denise, Michael and Leigh sang Karaoke. Denise and Leigh did it willingly, while Denise submitted Boston's "More Than a Feeling" for Michael to sing. It was pretty hilarious. Poor guy. That is a hard song to sing. But he was a good sport.

Saturday was Valentine's Day and it was a pretty perfect day. We were basically lazy all day, watching TV and hanging out. Michael left around three to run errands while I cleaned up and got ready. He came back and I opened the door, and there he stood looking completely cute all dressed up. He brought his Mom's china, candles and food. He downloaded some Kenny G, cooked me dinner, and it was amazing. It was really low-key and thoughtful. I'm a total hopeless romantic so that kind of stuff seriously makes me melt. (That makes me think of Darla in The Little Rascals.)

Anyways, after dinner, we went to Kari and Adam's. We hung out there and then decided to go watch "He's Just Not That Into You." Which was pretty good. It also put a pretty horrible depiction of women. I don't know many women actually do the things that one character did in that movie. It was pretty dramatic.

Sunday, Michael and I went to church and then ran errands. We went to dinner at Nashville Bar and Grill that evening. It wasn't exactly what I expected, but I think that with time they will get better and it'll be a good place to go.

Today Michael left and its always sad when that happens. But we have a lot of things to look forward to in the next coming months.

It's always nice to spend time with Michael. Long distance relationships can be really hard. I know I get really frustrated with having an internet/text only relationship. It doesn't seem to phase Michael very much, which probably just shows the difference between a girl and a guy.

Well, Heroes is on, better get going.

Picture This Thursday

2009-02-12T17:31:00.000-08:00

Alison, Emma, Me, Brody and Mark at Disneyland.

Tuesday Musings

2009-02-10T16:02:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm sitting on the porch of my house watching Duey run around in circles. The sun is warm and the air is cold, just how I like it.

The past couple of days have been pretty interesting. On Sunday, I did manage to make it over to Brad's house to ride horses with his family. Horses are such peaceful creatures. I hope that one day I'll have horses in my backyard and I'll go on long rides in the country. That would be pretty awesome. Although, I expect my butt will really, really hurt. But that's okay.

Yesterday, I woke up and immediately felt in influx of emotions. They were around, 2 seconds apart. This is seriously my thought process:

8:59:42 OH MY GOD. I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR WORK.
8:59:44 Wait, It's a holiday. *sighs, lays down*
8:59:45 Yay! I have the whole day to...
8:59:47 Oh wow. Denise is gone. I have nothing to do today. Man! I'm going to be alone all day.
8:59:52 OH! Dad and I are hanging out today. AWESOME!

So, in the matter of mere seconds, I felt scared, relieved, reflective, sad, and happy. If anyone ever dares say that I am not a woman, I will point them to this blog entry.

After forcing myself to get up, I got dressed and headed to Starbucks. Elena works there and I got to talk to her for a little while. I really like that girl. She's crazy. It seems she is the opposite of who I am. She's bold and colorful, and a bit of a hippie, which I know she won't mind me saying. She's definitely not a shy person, which proves even more that she is my opposite. I really have enjoyed talking to her the few times we have. Hopefully we'll grab a drink or something some time soon.

I got back home around 11:30 and my Dad called. I had just started to do dishes. He came over and we headed to Ryan's Place (a favorite of ours) and talked. It was awesome. We just talked. Not about our family drama. Not about his issues. We actually talked a lot more about mine. I told him how starved I was for friendship. He asked me what I was looking for in a friend. I've thought about that a lot. For a while, I considered that I was being too picky, but after talking to Dad I know I haven't been. When I finished describing the group of girl friends that I wanted, he said after a pause, "So, basically you want friends that are like your sisters." I never even thought about that. But the relationship I was describing was that of me and my sisters. We laugh, we talk girl talk, we're honest with each other, we're different and yet we accept each other. The whole thing doesn't sound far-fetched. Why wouldn't I want my friends to be just like sisters?

Anyway, this realization really made me miss having all three of us girls together. I can't wait for the time that Alison and her family live here and us girls can get together and play cards and drink Bloody Mary's. (How to Make An American Quilt, anyone?) I hope that day is soon. Like... in 3 months. :) Ok, okay. Just soon.

Dad was also telling me stories about my mom. After they got married, they had a solid four years to spend with each other before they had Alison. And did you know, that I hadn't heard about pretty much everything they did during that time? For instance, I didn't know that they would load up the pinto, attach a trailer and go to the coast all the time. That seems like so much fun. Can you just picture it?

It's the late 70s, early 80s. My Mom is rail-thin, and looks almost exactly like Alison, but with no make-up (my Mom didn't wear a lot of make up, still doesn't) and is sitting in the front seat of the pinto with her bare feet on the dashboard (like I am famous for). My Dad is driving and he looks over at my Mom, with his blue-green eyes and long light brown hair (exactly Kari's color) and smiles, as they listen to their favorite songs. It's so perfect.

My Dad said, "Well, I had already gone and seen a lot. But your Mom, she hadn't. Grandma and Grandpa were too strict. So those first four years, we did everything. We tried to go anywhere we could. I wanted her to see and experience everything."

He told me about the parties they used to go to, the friends they'd hang out with. All the things a parent should tell their child, so that they remember that they were once young, too.

After lunch, we went to a thrift store, and I bought us a couple of books and a old school black clutch. I bought my Dad, "Walking through Romans with Paul." He's reading Romans right now, so I was stoked to get it for him.

It was a really nice time. I really wish it was like that all the time. I love my Dad so much. Probably more than he realizes. He's actually pretty hilarious. :)

A quick update before I go, the house is really coming along. I've been able to unpack quite a few boxes in my boredom, and my room is almost finished. I'm trying to focus more on the front of the house, but I get so excited about how my room is going to look that I always end up back in my room, organizing and cleaning.

I'm hoping that everything is all ready when Michael comes on Friday evening.

BTW - Here is a picture of me and my new friend, Chief.

Quote of The Week

2009-02-08T15:53:00.000-08:00

"It is the setting of your sails that determines where you will go."

Chaplain Michael Reed, Hanford, CA
Guest Speaker at the Oasis Church

A Good and Unproductive Weekend.

2009-02-07T23:43:00.000-08:00

I am completely and utterly in love... With my house. I love the smell, the sounds, how it settles at night. I walked out this morning and stood the porch and just looked. I stretched. I seriously cannot wait to get a little bench so I can take my coffee out there in the mornings and just relax.

Last night I had the privilege of hanging out with Tanner Mathews, my best friend in high school. We were inseparable our senior year. One thing is true, I absolutely adore that boy. He is amazing. I was laughing my butt off ALL night. He's a riot.

He came over around 6, and we went to watch Push. (Click here for the review.)

Then we went to La Fiesta to grab some food and a beer. It was delicious. My new guilty pleasure is a number 13, (Enchilada and Taco) with a Bud Light Lime. By the time we got there, it was like 9:15 and we start to walk up to the bar door. As soon as I reach out for it, the mariachi band start to play. It was the long drawl of the trumpet. The trumpet that has no filter, so it is very, very loud. I turn to look at Tanner and he looks at me and says, "Oh, hell no, Megan." I start laughing so hard. The look on his face was precious! Needless to say, we went into another room. OMG. It was amazing. Good movie, good food, good company equals a perfect evening in my book!

Today I have managed to get absolutely nothing done. Which is both awesome and embarrassing. There is so much to be done in this house! Boxes and cleaning, cleaning and boxes. But no. I chatted online with Michael all day, playing poker and webcaming. Then, out of no where, I fall asleep. I got off the internet to take a shower, and I just laid on my bed for a while, and then all of a sudden I wake up and an hour or so has passed by. It was crazy. Well that nap made me more lazy, so got back onto the internet and chatted away.

I talked to Brad on Facebook for a while, he invited me to his casa tomorrow. Him and Elaine have a couple of horses and after verbally abusing me for being such a loser because I was at home alone on a Saturday, he said that I should come over after church tomorrow to ride one of their horses, Chief. It is amazing how excited I am about this! I haven't been on a horse since I was like 7 or 8, when my Grandpa took us around the dairy on Lady. Sooo, I'm stoked. Hopefully the weather is good and he really texts me. He said he'd take pictures to which I replied, "Oh, that'll be great. So that when I fall off the horse you'll have photographic evidence. AWESOME." But nonetheless, if there are pictures I will post them for your viewing pleasures.

Mmm, the house smells so amazing right now. After my long, hot shower, I felt the need to bake. So I made a peanut butter bars with chocolate on top, and while that was in the oven I made a few chocolate covered pretzels. :) So now, the house smells like a home.

The good part is that I don't actually feel like eating anything that I baked. So maybe I'll cut them up and take them to church tomorrow! We'll just have to see! Makes me kind of nervous because you never know if someone is allergic to peanut butter.

Alright, well. Time to brush the teeth and get the animals settled for bed.

Movie Review: Push

2009-02-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

Rated: PG-13
Director: Paul McGuigan (Lucky Number Sleven, Wicker Park)
Actors: Chris Evans, Dakota Fanning, Camilla Belle, Djimon Hounsou
You can read a synopsis of Push here.

Push was a good movie. It was entertaining, if a bit long. The great thing was there wasn't much cussing, no use of the F-Bomb and there wasn't any sex - at all. The only thing I can really remember is when the hero and heroine kissed, there was a shot of him grabbing her butt. Which in my book is not bad at all, considering other movies. There were a few scenes in the movie where the continuity was not....great. Some wrong placements. There was also a scene that came out of no where, that didn't really fit. But all in all, it was a good movie. Kids can watch it. It is easy to understand. If you like a toned down X-Men or Heroes, this is the movie for you.

Picture This Thursday

2009-02-05T17:49:00.000-08:00

the valley sure has its moments. <3

Tuesday Musings

2009-02-03T14:38:00.000-08:00

Strength.

Psalm 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

All throughout our lives we have faced times that called for strength. We have all had broken hearts, shattered dreams, fear for a loved one, failure, rejection. Each time we had to be strong, to breathe. To remember that the pain will fade.

When Bryan and I first ended, I thought I would die. The pain was overwhelming. It was a heavy burden that I could not carry. Parts during that time are fuzzy. I remember collapsing on my bathroom floor in the apartment because I couldn't take the pain. Because I had loved so strongly, so purely and so deeply that I couldn't breathe through the pain. I couldn't force myself to put on an unaffected front. I did, however, have the foresight to grab my phone and call Denise, and she calmly talked me down as only a good friend would.

I also remember going to Kari's house for dinner and my Mom was there. I remember we weren't even talking about Bryan or my relationship. All of a sudden a memory came back so strong that I just started crying. I went upstairs and hid in her curtains where I cried. Eventually, they found me. And do you know what they did? They came behind the curtains with me and let me cry.

I relied so much on my family and friends during that time that I don't think I would've ever recovered had I not had them. Honestly, I know I wouldn't have recovered so completely had I not had their love to help get me through.

Sometimes we forget just how important it is to have people to get us through when we feel we aren't strong enough. And when it is something personal, maybe we are fighting a demon no one knows about, it's important to remember that our battles are not to be fought by us. It's important to let Jesus take the wheel of our lives and let him steer us through anything that comes along and also to get us where we should be. It hard to let someone else in, to let them see ourselves as vulnerable. We won't allow our family and friends to be the rock that we need them to be out of pride.

It's really hard for me to let go of that control. It's really hard to be hurting and not shove it down so that I don't have to feel it or deal with it.

I really hope that if there is anything going on in your life that hurts or something that you are not strong enough to bear, that you aren't burying it or masking it with alcohol, drugs, or sex. I hope that you deal with it.

Carrying pain and heartache inside of you forever changes you. I carried around pain and felt that I wasn't worth to have someone love me like I should have been loved. I stayed in a relationship for three years that I never should have been in because I felt like I wasn't strong enough to make it outside of it. I let myself love without guarding my heart and it blew up in my face. I have learned now to be more honest with myself because of it.

I think everyone needs to be a little bit more honest with themselves.

I really don't know the point of this blog. Maybe its for those who are hurting and need to remember that saying that you aren't strong enough doesn't mean you are saying you are weak. Maybe it's saying that if you have someone in your life that you care about, you should let them know. Maybe it's for the person that needs to open up to one of their core people. I don't know.

What I do know is that I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

A Peaceful Weekend

2009-02-02T10:55:00.000-08:00

I'm sick. Coughing, sneezing, wheezing, earache, sinus pressure SICK. It couldn't have come at a worst time.

I feel like my body is falling a part! First, I hurt my wrist, pretty seriously, while moving. Then, I drop a box on my toe that was carrying the now assembled bookcase that Michael (thankfully) put together for me. My toe is a officially weird purple color. Yesterday, I managed to stub my toe at least three or four times, and I woke up yesterday feeling sick, which got progressively worse, and now I am full blown sick, at home freezing even though it's has got to be about 70 in here. Which makes me think I may have a fever. Joy.

As usual, whenever Michael comes for the weekend it always flies by so fast. When he's not here, the days just kind of inch by. Maybe it's because we are always doing something, which makes time pass without my knowledge. Nonetheless, we had a great weekend. I love spending time with him. Friday, we hung out with Kari and Adam. Saturday we did a bunch of work around the house and went to his house for dinner and games with his family. We ended up playing Uno and Sequence. It was fun. Michael and I were on the same wavelength, because we killed it in Sequence. Two out of three games. :) Sunday was church and then the Superbowl, which wasn't all that exciting, as I read most of the time. Then I really started to feel sick so I fell asleep.

Which is exactly what I feel like doing now. :)

The End.

2009-01-30T00:45:00.000-08:00

Thank the Lord Almighty, the end of this week is drawing near. Luckily, today has been flying by and I only have two hours and fifteen minutes more of work. Woo-Hoo!

The past couple of days have been going pretty smoothly. Denise and I are still in the process of moving, there are boxes pretty much every where in the house. However, it is as organized as it can be.

Last night, we went to dinner with Kari and Adam, which is always fun. After we went to Lassen to clean the kitchen and pack all of our food/dishes. Dee walked in first with me close behind. She takes the turn to go the kitchen and stops right in front of me. It surprised me. I almost knocked into her. When I saw her jaw-dropped facial expression, I followed her gaze and immediately started laughing. EVERYTHING of ours was all over the kitchen table, chairs and floor. Yes, our food and pots and pans was all over the floor.

It was so ridiculous and hilarious and frustrating at the same time. Denise was pretty pissed. I had to keep reminding her that he made it easier. He created a big pile for us, which I am used to because of Alison. (I loathe piles because on cleaning days, Alison would make piles on the floor for me to clean. It was annoying.) But I tried to channel Michael and be positive.

We packed everything up, and only had to make two trips. We didn't see Cisco the entire time we were there. I didn't mind either. I'm afraid that we won't be friends after this. There are too many feelings that I've poured into a sturdy bottle that is sealed pretty tight. If I ever talk to him, I might blow up. Which would probably by glorious and horrible all at the same time.

Wednesday, Michael B. called me to ask if I would come by his work so he could check out the damage on my car. It was very nice to see him. In such a short time he became a close friend. I am always sad when I lose someone I connect with. It's so rare to find someone that you can have a conversation with, without ever having to open your mouth. I'm praying that we'll be able to be friends again in the future.

Well, I should probably get back to work. Everyone is gone today, which makes it nice. I have been getting quite a bit done.

I hope the last two hours pass by as quickly as the first three. Michael is on his way and I can't wait to see him. I've missed him a lot this week... Well...honestly I miss him a lot every week. But seeing him at the end of a really hard week makes it even sweeter. Spending time with him will be the perfect end to this week. :)

Standing Tall

2009-01-28T17:49:00.000-08:00

This week has seriously been a trying one for me. Monday was an awful horrid day and on top of everything else I had to move. Moving is so tedious, so stressful. I am seriously so glad that I'm going to be in this house for a while.

Back to the awfulness that was my Monday... It wasn't just a simple, 'case of the Monday's'. It was far worse. I was woken up by my roommate - sorry, ex-roommate, letting me know I had a flat tire. Then, we realized through a series of events, that it was not a random vandalism, but that it was intentionally done to hurt me, or punish me for some reason.

I don't know what kind of person would do this. I honestly don't. I have traveled to the far corners of my brain to try to think of someone that hates me so much that they would do physical harm to my vehicle. And not just my vehicle. They slashed one tire and attempted to do the next, but it didn't quite go all the way. Thank God I drove slow to work, because if I hadn't the tire would have had a blow-out, which could have caused me to be seriously hurt, or even my Dad, who took Skeeter to be repaired... Not to mention if it had caused an accident with another vehicle.

It was a really hard day. Thankfully I had the support of my family and friends to help get me through it. I don't know if the person responsible will read this blog, but if so, I do hope you think twice before hurting my vehicle or someone else's vehicle in the future. You aren't just causing monetary damage. You could possibly cost someone their life with your foolish decisions.

I just reread the last couple of lines and realized my "Mom Voice" was totally in full effect. :)

Anyways, the full weight of having a long distance relationship with Michael hit on Monday. After having such a horrible day, all I wanted was a big bear hug from him and for him to tell me everything would be okay. Unfortunately, with a long distance relationship you miss out on those little bonding moments. The chance to make your significant other laugh when they are mad, or to take them on some type of adventure to divert their troubled mind. It also doesn't help when you are female and having a day that makes you a tad emotionally unstable. Those moments make me wish I had the no nonsense, all literal mind many men have.

I survived Monday, am still in the process of moving into the new Casa, working out the kinks of having a Jack and Jill style bathroom with Denise and getting used to the sounds an old house makes.

All in all, I won't let days like Monday get me down, especially when I have so much to be happy about.

:)

The Moving Has Begun...

2009-01-25T15:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Denise and I started to move what we could out of the garage. My mom's husband, Larry let me borrow his truck and my mom ended up coming to help a bit. As our luck would have it, it started to rain. So there was only so much we could accomplish.

Today, after a great church service, I borrowed the truck and Denise and I moved quite a bit. Her sister and her boyfriend helped us out.

We still have some things to move, but I'm confident we'll be in the house by Tuesday.

I really wish things would have worked out with Cisco. It's really hard living in a house that you have no freedom in. I think things worked out for the best though.

On another note, I am really happy. Truly happy. There are, of course, a few things I'd like to fix. I'm having a hard time with the not seeing Michael thing. It seems like I get to a point of NOT wanting to miss him, so I just turn it off. All of it. I hate constantly feeling like I miss him. It's like I need to breathe every once in a while. So I turn it off... but then it seems that after I do that, we start talking on the phone/internet less. We started to pick at each other a bit more... More miscommunication and then we fight.

So I have been trying to balance both... The missing him and the breathing. It's hard... I hate him not being here for the big stuff... or I guess, even the little stuff. But that is life. It's what we have for now.

Another week starts tomorrow. Work, moving, bills. The never ending cycle. I'm sure it will be a good week though!

Listening to: Brian and Jenn Johnson - O, Taste and See

Home is Where the Heart is

2009-01-23T22:24:00.000-08:00

Well, its official! Denise and I have signed the rental agreement for the house.

Its OURS!

I am so happy, so terribly excited to have a real home.

Over the past 4 years I have been searching for a place that could be my sanctuary... A place that I could shut the door and lock everyone else out. Its an amazing feeling to sign on the dotted line and be handed the keys to my own place.

My own place. My new home.

It probably doesn't seem like a big deal to the average person, but I have never had a home that I felt safe in. One that I could come home to after a long day at school or work and know that the moment I stepped in, I would feel better. Unfortunately, I've never had that.

I am determined to make this house a real home.

I can't wait to get started tomorrow!

"Shake and Bake. You'll be my Best Friend Forever."

2009-01-22T18:11:00.000-08:00

I posted a picture of Denise and I for my Picture It Thursday for a reason.

If I didn't have this chick, I don't know what I would do.

I was reluctant to start a relationship. When I say, reluctant, I don't mean hesitant. I was running in the opposite direction with my fingers in my ears screaming, "LA LA LAAA!"

Not wanting a boyfriend was the first thing on my list. But sometimes things just work out. And sometimes you just have to have your best friend that slaps you on the head and says, "Hey, you are being an idiot. Just because your ex really hurt you doesn't mean that he will too."

And I'm glad that I listened to her.

I'm really, really happy.

Picture This Thursday

2009-01-22T18:06:00.000-08:00

she's my best friend. :)

Tuesday Musings

2009-01-20T18:02:00.000-08:00

1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.

4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.

5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.

A Happier Place...

2009-01-20T08:02:00.000-08:00

For the most part, last week was not very good. Not very good at all. My boss, Kim, was out sick with the flu the entire week. Which always stresses me out, because I get the brunt of the teachers asking me questions I have no idea how to answer. Then there are the exasperated "sigh"s when they ask when Kim will be back, and I answer an honest, "I have no idea. She's pretty sick."

So by Thursday, I was stressed to the max. By noon I was fighting off a massive migraine and I could hardly look at the computer without my eyesight blurring. But, I had a job to do. I went and picked up Denise, we ran errands and grabbed some food in hopes that it would curb the headache. It didn't. I dropped her off and went back to work. Finally I left and went home, took some of my wonderful migraine medication and microwaved a heating bag until it was so hot it felt like it would scorch the top of my head. The only thing my brain can do in times of that much pain is shut down. So I passed out.

I woke up and was shaky. I laid with Denise for an hour or so, and then she started to deal with her boyfriend. Now ex. Hearing how he was talking to her, I was getting upset and flustered. On top of everything else, Michael had called me earlier, when I has hardly coherent, to tell me that after class he was going out with the guys, which almost always means drinking. But that he wouldn't "disappear" and would text me later. Well I hadn't heard from him, at all. And didn't until 9:15pm. He said his phone had died and he'd call me later. Later was 10:15. And while on the phone, he said..."Babe, open the door..it's really cold out here."

Needless to say I was beyond stoked. But the happiness from that moment couldn't carry over into the night, where at 2 a.m. I awoke with piercing migraine #2. Unfortunately, I couldn't pass out this time. I ended up being awake for most of the night. I didn't go to work the next day.

Friday, Michael and I went to the Hanford v. Hanford West game.. which was completely frustrating and awesome. Hanford High managed to win at the last second. The next day, Alison gave me a call and said... "Let's go to Disneyland." And while I give every reason why we can't, Michael says "Absolutely!" After a while, I felt like I needed a break, to do something spontaneous and fun... So off we go.

We packed, Auntie Kari and Uncle Adam watched Duey-Poo, and we left.

You can't help but feel like a kid when you arrive at Disneyland... We all had such a great time. Watching Emma experience everything was amazing... You could see the excitment in her eyes. Luckily she wasn't afraid of the rides. In the end, they passed on a few of the shows, because she was having such a blast on the rides. We took turns with the kids, Alison and Mark managed to spend some alone time together, Michael and I rode all of the rides (I even when on California Screamin' for him.) We took turns sitting with Emma and we all had a chance to sit out with Brody while he lounged in the stroller.

It ended up being a great trip... even though I've been exhausted all week. :)

I'm so blessed to have the family, friends and boyfriend that I do. It's amazing the opportunities we have in this country that we take for granted.

I'm going to try to do less of that this year.

(I'll post a few pictures once Alison send them out.)

Invention Of The Month

2009-01-15T00:21:00.000-08:00

When I finally purchased my new Dell laptop, Michael made me download the Firefox web browser. At first, I was none to happy. I'm was not a big fan of Mozilla Firefox at all.

Oh, how naive I was. I will admit it. Michael was right. Firefox is awesome. You may be wondering if that is what my Invention of the Month is. No, it is not. But, it does have everything to do with Firefox.

In fact, Michael is responsible for introducing me to January's Invention of the Month. Since then, I have been thoroughly addicted to it. It's called, StumbleUpon.

StumbleUpon is an amazing feature that you can download to your Firefox browser. You sign up for it, answer some questions, select some categories that interest you, and you are on your way. According to the demo on the StumbleUpon site, 'StumbleUpon is a free tool that discovers websites based on your interests, learns what you like, and brings you more. Every time you click the stumble button you're brought to a website that matches your personal interests.'

I have literally spent hours roaming from website to website. If you have Firefox, I recommend downloading it.

:) Enjoy!

On My Heart

2009-01-14T16:23:00.000-08:00

I have been having really vivid dreams lately. When I wake up in the morning after having one, I feel completely disoriented. I get confused because I could have sworn a few minutes ago I was in an entirely different world, but I wake up safe in bed.

These dreams have been coming more and more frequently. I'd say they started around Christmas. I don't really don't know how to go about listing them on here. I don't think I will even attempt it.

I feel like in about a year and a half or so, I will be leaving to go to another country. I feel like I am supposed to submit myself for a year and dedicate myself entirely to missions work. The only place I dream of is Africa. I've always wanted to travel the world and help others, but this is the first time that I have ever had a dream about it. The first time where I have felt a pull towards setting up my life to go away for a year.

We'll see how it works out. I know God has a plan for me. I don't know if a trip to Africa is in it. But I will be keeping my eyes and ears open. In the meantime, I should probably take Larry up on his offer to take me shooting. Just in case.

Tuesday Musings

2009-01-13T17:06:00.000-08:00

money talks...
but it can't sing 'n dance, and it cant walk
as long as i can have you here with me,
i'd much rather be forever in blue jeans babe.

Picture This Thursday

2009-01-08T08:32:00.000-08:00

Andrej Belic
(Click the photo to be taken to his website)

Tuesday Musings

2009-01-06T15:36:00.000-08:00

.::Things to do in 2009::.

Start volunteering time in the community.
Start new and lasting friendships
Work on my faith
Live my life without fear.

A New Beginning

2009-01-01T12:21:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!

When I look back at the past year, I honestly can't believe how much my life has changed. So many important decisions have been made. It's amazing.

Denise's mom, (my boss) Kim, says that the most trying years are between 18 and 25. If we can survive the 8 years from becoming a legal adult to our quarter of a century birthday, we'll be golden. I believe her. Only 4 years left. :)

These past few years have been a roller coaster. It has been exciting and scary, which a few sharp turns that have knocked me around a little.

I look forward to 2009. I have a lot of possibilities on the horizon. All in all, I am pretty excited.