Tuesday Musings

Right now I'm sitting on the porch of my house watching Duey run around in circles. The sun is warm and the air is cold, just how I like it.

The past couple of days have been pretty interesting. On Sunday, I did manage to make it over to Brad's house to ride horses with his family. Horses are such peaceful creatures. I hope that one day I'll have horses in my backyard and I'll go on long rides in the country. That would be pretty awesome. Although, I expect my butt will really, really hurt. But that's okay.

Yesterday, I woke up and immediately felt in influx of emotions. They were around, 2 seconds apart. This is seriously my thought process:

8:59:42 OH MY GOD. I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR WORK.
8:59:44 Wait, It's a holiday. *sighs, lays down*
8:59:45 Yay! I have the whole day to...
8:59:47 Oh wow. Denise is gone. I have nothing to do today. Man! I'm going to be alone all day.
8:59:52 OH! Dad and I are hanging out today. AWESOME!

So, in the matter of mere seconds, I felt scared, relieved, reflective, sad, and happy. If anyone ever dares say that I am not a woman, I will point them to this blog entry.

After forcing myself to get up, I got dressed and headed to Starbucks. Elena works there and I got to talk to her for a little while. I really like that girl. She's crazy. It seems she is the opposite of who I am. She's bold and colorful, and a bit of a hippie, which I know she won't mind me saying. She's definitely not a shy person, which proves even more that she is my opposite. I really have enjoyed talking to her the few times we have. Hopefully we'll grab a drink or something some time soon.

I got back home around 11:30 and my Dad called. I had just started to do dishes. He came over and we headed to Ryan's Place (a favorite of ours) and talked. It was awesome. We just talked. Not about our family drama. Not about his issues. We actually talked a lot more about mine. I told him how starved I was for friendship. He asked me what I was looking for in a friend. I've thought about that a lot. For a while, I considered that I was being too picky, but after talking to Dad I know I haven't been. When I finished describing the group of girl friends that I wanted, he said after a pause, "So, basically you want friends that are like your sisters." I never even thought about that. But the relationship I was describing was that of me and my sisters. We laugh, we talk girl talk, we're honest with each other, we're different and yet we accept each other. The whole thing doesn't sound far-fetched. Why wouldn't I want my friends to be just like sisters?

Anyway, this realization really made me miss having all three of us girls together. I can't wait for the time that Alison and her family live here and us girls can get together and play cards and drink Bloody Mary's. (How to Make An American Quilt, anyone?) I hope that day is soon. Like... in 3 months. :) Ok, okay. Just soon.

Dad was also telling me stories about my mom. After they got married, they had a solid four years to spend with each other before they had Alison. And did you know, that I hadn't heard about pretty much everything they did during that time? For instance, I didn't know that they would load up the pinto, attach a trailer and go to the coast all the time. That seems like so much fun. Can you just picture it?

It's the late 70s, early 80s. My Mom is rail-thin, and looks almost exactly like Alison, but with no make-up (my Mom didn't wear a lot of make up, still doesn't) and is sitting in the front seat of the pinto with her bare feet on the dashboard (like I am famous for). My Dad is driving and he looks over at my Mom, with his blue-green eyes and long light brown hair (exactly Kari's color) and smiles, as they listen to their favorite songs. It's so perfect.

My Dad said, "Well, I had already gone and seen a lot. But your Mom, she hadn't. Grandma and Grandpa were too strict. So those first four years, we did everything. We tried to go anywhere we could. I wanted her to see and experience everything."

He told me about the parties they used to go to, the friends they'd hang out with. All the things a parent should tell their child, so that they remember that they were once young, too.

After lunch, we went to a thrift store, and I bought us a couple of books and a old school black clutch. I bought my Dad, "Walking through Romans with Paul." He's reading Romans right now, so I was stoked to get it for him.

It was a really nice time. I really wish it was like that all the time. I love my Dad so much. Probably more than he realizes. He's actually pretty hilarious. :)

A quick update before I go, the house is really coming along. I've been able to unpack quite a few boxes in my boredom, and my room is almost finished. I'm trying to focus more on the front of the house, but I get so excited about how my room is going to look that I always end up back in my room, organizing and cleaning.

I'm hoping that everything is all ready when Michael comes on Friday evening.

BTW - Here is a picture of me and my new friend, Chief.

Quote of The Week

"It is the setting of your sails that determines where you will go."

Chaplain Michael Reed, Hanford, CA
Guest Speaker at the Oasis Church

A Good and Unproductive Weekend.

I am completely and utterly in love... With my house. I love the smell, the sounds, how it settles at night. I walked out this morning and stood the porch and just looked. I stretched. I seriously cannot wait to get a little bench so I can take my coffee out there in the mornings and just relax.

Last night I had the privilege of hanging out with Tanner Mathews, my best friend in high school. We were inseparable our senior year. One thing is true, I absolutely adore that boy. He is amazing. I was laughing my butt off ALL night. He's a riot.

He came over around 6, and we went to watch Push. (Click here for the review.)

Then we went to La Fiesta to grab some food and a beer. It was delicious. My new guilty pleasure is a number 13, (Enchilada and Taco) with a Bud Light Lime. By the time we got there, it was like 9:15 and we start to walk up to the bar door. As soon as I reach out for it, the mariachi band start to play. It was the long drawl of the trumpet. The trumpet that has no filter, so it is very, very loud. I turn to look at Tanner and he looks at me and says, "Oh, hell no, Megan." I start laughing so hard. The look on his face was precious! Needless to say, we went into another room. OMG. It was amazing. Good movie, good food, good company equals a perfect evening in my book!

Today I have managed to get absolutely nothing done. Which is both awesome and embarrassing. There is so much to be done in this house! Boxes and cleaning, cleaning and boxes. But no. I chatted online with Michael all day, playing poker and webcaming. Then, out of no where, I fall asleep. I got off the internet to take a shower, and I just laid on my bed for a while, and then all of a sudden I wake up and an hour or so has passed by. It was crazy. Well that nap made me more lazy, so got back onto the internet and chatted away.

I talked to Brad on Facebook for a while, he invited me to his casa tomorrow. Him and Elaine have a couple of horses and after verbally abusing me for being such a loser because I was at home alone on a Saturday, he said that I should come over after church tomorrow to ride one of their horses, Chief. It is amazing how excited I am about this! I haven't been on a horse since I was like 7 or 8, when my Grandpa took us around the dairy on Lady. Sooo, I'm stoked. Hopefully the weather is good and he really texts me. He said he'd take pictures to which I replied, "Oh, that'll be great. So that when I fall off the horse you'll have photographic evidence. AWESOME." But nonetheless, if there are pictures I will post them for your viewing pleasures.

Mmm, the house smells so amazing right now. After my long, hot shower, I felt the need to bake. So I made a peanut butter bars with chocolate on top, and while that was in the oven I made a few chocolate covered pretzels. :) So now, the house smells like a home.

The good part is that I don't actually feel like eating anything that I baked. So maybe I'll cut them up and take them to church tomorrow! We'll just have to see! Makes me kind of nervous because you never know if someone is allergic to peanut butter.

Alright, well. Time to brush the teeth and get the animals settled for bed.

Movie Review: Push

Rated: PG-13
Director: Paul McGuigan (Lucky Number Sleven, Wicker Park)
Actors: Chris Evans, Dakota Fanning, Camilla Belle, Djimon Hounsou
You can read a synopsis of Push here.

Push was a good movie. It was entertaining, if a bit long. The great thing was there wasn't much cussing, no use of the F-Bomb and there wasn't any sex - at all. The only thing I can really remember is when the hero and heroine kissed, there was a shot of him grabbing her butt. Which in my book is not bad at all, considering other movies. There were a few scenes in the movie where the continuity was not....great. Some wrong placements. There was also a scene that came out of no where, that didn't really fit. But all in all, it was a good movie. Kids can watch it. It is easy to understand. If you like a toned down X-Men or Heroes, this is the movie for you.

Picture This Thursday

the valley sure has its moments. <3

Tuesday Musings

Strength.

Psalm 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

All throughout our lives we have faced times that called for strength. We have all had broken hearts, shattered dreams, fear for a loved one, failure, rejection. Each time we had to be strong, to breathe. To remember that the pain will fade.

When Bryan and I first ended, I thought I would die. The pain was overwhelming. It was a heavy burden that I could not carry. Parts during that time are fuzzy. I remember collapsing on my bathroom floor in the apartment because I couldn't take the pain. Because I had loved so strongly, so purely and so deeply that I couldn't breathe through the pain. I couldn't force myself to put on an unaffected front. I did, however, have the foresight to grab my phone and call Denise, and she calmly talked me down as only a good friend would.

I also remember going to Kari's house for dinner and my Mom was there. I remember we weren't even talking about Bryan or my relationship. All of a sudden a memory came back so strong that I just started crying. I went upstairs and hid in her curtains where I cried. Eventually, they found me. And do you know what they did? They came behind the curtains with me and let me cry.

I relied so much on my family and friends during that time that I don't think I would've ever recovered had I not had them. Honestly, I know I wouldn't have recovered so completely had I not had their love to help get me through.

Sometimes we forget just how important it is to have people to get us through when we feel we aren't strong enough. And when it is something personal, maybe we are fighting a demon no one knows about, it's important to remember that our battles are not to be fought by us. It's important to let Jesus take the wheel of our lives and let him steer us through anything that comes along and also to get us where we should be. It hard to let someone else in, to let them see ourselves as vulnerable. We won't allow our family and friends to be the rock that we need them to be out of pride.

It's really hard for me to let go of that control. It's really hard to be hurting and not shove it down so that I don't have to feel it or deal with it.

I really hope that if there is anything going on in your life that hurts or something that you are not strong enough to bear, that you aren't burying it or masking it with alcohol, drugs, or sex. I hope that you deal with it.


Carrying pain and heartache inside of you forever changes you. I carried around pain and felt that I wasn't worth to have someone love me like I should have been loved. I stayed in a relationship for three years that I never should have been in because I felt like I wasn't strong enough to make it outside of it. I let myself love without guarding my heart and it blew up in my face. I have learned now to be more honest with myself because of it.

I think everyone needs to be a little bit more honest with themselves.

I really don't know the point of this blog. Maybe its for those who are hurting and need to remember that saying that you aren't strong enough doesn't mean you are saying you are weak. Maybe it's saying that if you have someone in your life that you care about, you should let them know. Maybe it's for the person that needs to open up to one of their core people. I don't know.

What I do know is that I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

A Peaceful Weekend

I'm sick. Coughing, sneezing, wheezing, earache, sinus pressure SICK. It couldn't have come at a worst time.

I feel like my body is falling a part! First, I hurt my wrist, pretty seriously, while moving. Then, I drop a box on my toe that was carrying the now assembled bookcase that Michael (thankfully) put together for me. My toe is a officially weird purple color. Yesterday, I managed to stub my toe at least three or four times, and I woke up yesterday feeling sick, which got progressively worse, and now I am full blown sick, at home freezing even though it's has got to be about 70 in here. Which makes me think I may have a fever. Joy.

As usual, whenever Michael comes for the weekend it always flies by so fast. When he's not here, the days just kind of inch by. Maybe it's because we are always doing something, which makes time pass without my knowledge. Nonetheless, we had a great weekend. I love spending time with him. Friday, we hung out with Kari and Adam. Saturday we did a bunch of work around the house and went to his house for dinner and games with his family. We ended up playing Uno and Sequence. It was fun. Michael and I were on the same wavelength, because we killed it in Sequence. Two out of three games. :) Sunday was church and then the Superbowl, which wasn't all that exciting, as I read most of the time. Then I really started to feel sick so I fell asleep.

Which is exactly what I feel like doing now. :)